Your Own, Your Answer, Your Power!

Ever felt the impulse to do something extraordinary, something different, something worth admiration from people? Yeah I guess we have being there at some point. It may sometimes turn out like we expect, other times we may find ourselves in a situation where we ask ourselves the question, 'What on earth am I doing here or why am I doing this?'.
There is always some instinct in us to be better. Better in the eyes of our friends, families, co-workers and basically with every person we share a little bit of our lives with. Unless you're a psychopath with clinically proven and psychologically valid social issues, everyone of us aims to be better in some way if we can help it. Now does this mean it actually gets better for a lot of people? The answer is no! Not because the individual gave up trying, but because they must have encountered another person(s) who for some reason consistently brings out the worst in them.
I have read some books, articles and so-called 'self-help' guides on how to deal with people who bring out the worst in us, and quite surprisingly, the consensus solution almost always involves staying away. Yeah, staying away from those who remind us that we are basically a higher form or species of animal. Do I agree with this? Not really, and I would love to disprove this theory of moving away from negative energy, but seeing as I don't want to be the guy who thinks he knows too much, I'll just beg to differ. I'm sure whoever came up with that solution spent a lot of his/her time thinking the sh!/t up.
With a lot of people in print, media, the internet, and in reality, acting like they are an encyclopedia of answers, it is hard to tell whom is really practicing what they preach. The truth for all intents and purposes will sound very realistic and true to itself, but so also will a lie. What I am trying to say is, if the lie gives us an idea or a suitable explanation for a problem, it is quite difficult to be objective without attaching sentiments. As long as a lie solves some perceived problem of ours, we will adhere to it like it came out of the mouth of God himself.
So we got to that point where we wanted to be different and extraordinary, and we started out by getting something done in the right direction. We continued, basking in the euphoria of it until a day came when we didn't know what or why we were doing what we do. We realized that maybe we just found ourselves on this-road-to-extraordinary because we wanted to get away from something or someone and prove to them we could be better. Was it a good idea looking back at it? We ask ourselves. The answer might be maybe or maybe not, depending on how well we are doing at that moment of self-awareness.
At this point, we start depending on the admiration of others to fuel our desire to be different. In other words, the original purpose of our predisposition to greatness disappears and is replaced by the need to feel appreciated. This need becomes our motivation, which is not totally a bad thing, but if by no fault of ours we encounter those whose sole job is to kill our vibe, what happens? Are we to face them, or are we to ignore it and move away from this developing negative energy?
This is where most people cook up the turn-around-walk-away-route, and if I am right, this hardly ever solves anything; instead it just makes one unprepared for the next wave of negative emotions coming around the corner.
There will always be evil people around us, and I call them evil because, even if they don't know it themselves, anyone who derives pleasure seeing the misery and sadness in others, definitely has a dark spirit working in them. And please, for the love of God, never turn your back on people like this. Very little good comes by staying away from those who drain the extraordinary in us, that just feeds their power; and unless this is what you want, the offensive is a lot better choice.

Video clip: Sojay on a cover for Miguel's 'Adorn'

So Sojay and I lived in the same hostel complex for a short while back in the university, quite a calm dude with a good voice. He is now an upcoming artiste signed to Eldee's record label, Trybe Records. Okay enough famzing already, here is the cover for Miguel's 'Adorn', performed by Sojay. Have a beautiful weekend...

The Maze

Happy and sad, push and pull, here today and there tomorrow; still don’t know why I let it play out so often.
One day acting like best of friends, next day waiting on whom would bring the conversation to an end; still don’t know why I bother trying.

Brought the food, it tasted really good. Took a sip of wine, it brought back plum memories; still can’t understand why you hardly join in.
Sitting across the table, hands resting on jaw with eyes piercing through; don’t know why I bother coming to dinner.

Laundry left disorderly at dawn comes tidy at dusk, I know they don’t do themselves; still you won’t scold.
Last night screaming you love me, tonight getting under the covers only to face away; still don’t know why we stay on the same bed.

Caught up in going back and forth, with no idea what next to expect.
Can’t believe I’m in this place with you, feeling stupid and contagious, happy and hopeful, guilty and insane; still not sure it’s entirely my fault.

Body aches and eyes hurt, night pillow fights and breakfast together; I must admit I still like it, you stay enticing.
Keeping up smiles, clearly it’s not all gone with the wind; Keeping it real and taking it slow to make it right, now I know why you do it.

I know the plan to push me as far off as possible, careful never to let go.
The point has been made, the only way out of this is both of us hand in hand.

Liebster Blog Award

I can't believe I got nominated for this, seeing as I am quite a newbie in this inspiring, beautiful world of gifted writers, authors and poets. I really am honored Laura Hebbeln for granting me this nomination, thanks for believing in my style of writing and encouraging my devotion to it.
The Liebster Blog Award is for up and coming blogs with less than 200 followers, and getting nominated in this category tells a lot about the level of appreciation I'm getting from the Google plus community. Thanks once again Laura.

Here is the link to Laura Hebbeln's Blog (Diary of Laura): http://diaryoflaura20.blogspot.com/

These are the rules I'm to follow regarding my nomination:

RULES FOR NOMINEES

1. Post 11 facts about yourself.
2. Answer the 11 questions posted by the person who nominated you.
3. Nominate 5 other bloggers with less than 200 followers for the award.
4. Create 11 new questions for your nominees.
5. Go to each bloggers site and let them know about the award.
6. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to his/her blog.


HERE ARE 11 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME!

1. My favorite Nigerian dish is Pounded Yam and Egusi Soup.
2. I have not seriously dated anyone new in the last 2 years, I just keep getting back with my exes. Weirdo! LOL!
3. I am a sucker for red wine.
4. My Nigerian celebrity crush is Chindinma. I know right?
5. I can't stand some of my extended family members. But I love them all the same. :-)
6. Good music is my favorite drug, I cannot go a day without listening to something.
7. I bite my nails when I'm alone or relatively in my comfort zone. Talk about a bad habit!
8. Please do not let a snake come near me, I will by all means kill it even if it were your pet.
9. I'm complicated, the only way you can figure me out is if I want you to.
10. My favorite movie is Armageddon, I still don't have the guts to stop watching it. But why should I anyways?
11. I am a perfect gentleman, the only time you see an outrageous reaction from me is when I'm backed into a corner.


THESE ARE LAURA'S QUESTIONS FOR ME!

1. What is your favorite non-alcoholic drink?
That would be Pepsi.
2. What is your favorite magazine?
Don't have one; I read anything I come across.
3. Are you a dog or cat person?
I'm a dog person.
4. What are your hobbies?
Watching movies, Listening to music, Hanging out, Writing and Reading.
5. What do you do for a living?
I'm a Chemical Engineer, though I'd rather view myself as an entrepreneur.
6. What is your favorite genre of music?
Hip-Hop/Rap.
7. What is your favorite board game?
Scrabble it is.
8. How many siblings do you have?
I've got three siblings; all guys.
9. Do you prefer showers or baths?
Showers definitely; I can't imagine doing baths all by myself.
10. What is your favorite way to exercise?
Lifting my dumb-bells and doing push-ups. I also play football(soccer) when I can.
11. What is your favorite restaurant?
I really don't have one; I'm more of a stay-at-home eater.


My nominees for the Liebster Blog Award are:

1. Mazi Omenuko: http://maziomenuko.blogspot.com/
2. Bekkie Sanchez: http://bekkieswonderland.blogspot.com/
3. Jawaad Saleem: http://ablogwithoutanswers.blogspot.co.uk/
4. Frank Sayre: http://brotherhoodeternal.com/
5. Robert Price: http://fromacloggedmind.wordpress.com/


11 Questions for my nominees!

1. What inspires you most about writing?
2. What do you love most about your spouse?
3. What is your favorite sport?
4. Why do you write?
5. If you could do anything over again, what would it be?
6. Do you like snakes? If yes, why?
7. Do you have a nasty habit? What is it?
8. In your quiet time, what would you be caught doing?
9. How many kids do you have? If none, how many do you plan to?
10. Music or Movies, which gives you the best satisfaction?
11. What would you consider a romantic gift or gesture?

The Convict's Note

Dearest,
We talked about all the wonderful things we could do together, the places we could go and never come back if we chose. You asked that I tell you everything there was to know about me, and when I did, you never ceased asking if I had told you all of it. Your willingness to let yourself feel and live every inch of my life like it was yours gave me a sense of belonging and purpose. How much I long to hold and kiss you one more time.
While I can honestly say I told you the truth, I feel ashamed to admit I may have kept some things from you; things I could not bring myself to accept, let alone tell anyone else. I am at my corridor’s end now, and not the same man I once was; I feel it is time you knew it all.
A short time ago right before we became lovers, I had involved myself in the most vile of evils; an evil by which most men at some point in their lives came to succumb and are consumed by. One by which they may later seek a means of escape but naught succeed. The lust for power it was my dear, a force so strong, much to the point I killed for - and this secret to be kept sacred, required even more death when necessary.

Of the few noble and upright men to walk the short phase of life, I say with utmost certainty, I did not belong.
My dearest Catherine, please do not let them say I lived an unfulfilled life; for maybe by ignorance or misinformation, they seldom display their knowledge of what your presence made of me. I have always known about karma and the tales of legend it beckoned, perhaps, I had felt my life’s cycle might be exempted for sake of your love; wishful thinking it was, I now reckon – my past did finally catch up to me.
The fear of death had lingered, ever present in my consciousness, but often made minuscule only by the ecstasy of your love making – at least, Hemingway spoke rightly on this one thing. It is in fact true by all that breathes and lives, what a great woman you are indeed.
I do not intend that you pity or feel sorry for me, nor do I wish you repent ever knowing me. It is my intention as always my darling that you know; I barely live when I’m not with you.
Sitting here locked up as cow in barn does not do much for my psyche knowing my time is almost up. They say my execution will stay quick and painless, but I’ll be damned if I let another man decide how I go out.
Dying is nothing to me now, for I have neither picture nor fear of it in my mind anymore; the life you will live after my demise beclouds all imagination as strongly as thunderstorms are to rainy day.
If I could bare my heart to you in person as I do now, I would my love, only I have no such luck anymore. Truthfully, luck and I went separate ways a long time ago, our last encounter being the day you opened your heart to me.
But who knows? Maybe I am in luck today once again, for I know this note will find you in best of health and good spirit.
Walking down a different path might have escaped me this fate, but on the other hand, it also would have denied me the pleasure of knowing you – my regrets stand biased.
I do believe I have told you now, all there is to know about me Catherine, and if by any chance my luck runs full on this day, I also believe you have forgiven my choice to keep from loving ears as yours, my past crimes.

Yours,
D.J Price

And Then There Was Us

No one in their right minds ever admits to wrong-doing, in fact those who have been clinically and medically proven to be out of their right minds still refuse to admit to wrong-doing. Psych wards are filled with people who believe they’re not meant to be there, prison cells are packed full of convicts claiming innocence, and the rest of the sane world is complete with people who believe in their ideals and are ready to compel others into believing them as well. Understandably, what I am referring to here has nothing to do with structure, standards and guidelines (or laws); these actually keep the world order in check. My reference centers completely on the area of personal convictions.

I love to point out a statement made by a Google plus friend of mine whom I respect for his constructive critique and writing pointers for me – He had this to say about truth and opinion (not in his exact words): “opinions are strictly individualistic, they are subject to the level of knowledge available to whomever offers it and at that specific time...it is also believed to be the truth as they know it. However, truth is not exact; it is shaped by what we see around us, it is sometimes a product of the lies we tell ourselves on how things should be (which might really not be the exact way these things should be in the natural sense of it).” In other words, absolute truth in opinion is never 100% exact in authenticity. No one person, and I mean none whatsoever, should completely regard his or her personal ideal, belief or opinion as sacred and universal. That said, herein lies a problem – we have for sake of not being classified as being selfish in our opinions, opted to give credence to the known and widely accepted ideals of a recognized larger force or system. Some of these larger systems include: Religion, Tradition, Ethics, and cults (remember, a cult here is any group with laid down guidelines and/or code of conducts designed to unite its members in purpose).

My parents have this prayer they offer anytime we have a family gathering, I never told them but I love it. It goes something like this: “Father in heaven, make our children and family come to know you personally. Not by what they hear the pastors preach, but by their own personal convictions impacted in them by the Holy Spirit.” Yeah, I sound a big Amen anytime I hear such prayers.

"I never try to change anyone or try to make them feel bad for doing what they do. I just offer them my opinions along with the pros and cons associated with doing what they do, and thereafter hope to heaven they are sensible enough to choose wisely, Joe Dennis Imiewanlan."

Have you ever wondered why you hate someone or anyone at all? I mean have you wondered if it is ever in one’s best interest to hate. Okay, maybe I should rephrase that question. Why do you think people hate? Well, let me answer this and then you can draw up your own conclusions:
Humans feel the involuntary need to have some degree of control over certain situations, this has nothing to do with being domineering or being a control freak. We don’t just like the feeling of helplessness. When someone becomes irritating or just plain disgusting to us, we become upset and in that moment, it is as if we are not in control of this feeling, and we can’t help it. To give ourselves some degree of satisfaction or control, we fight back. Some people go straight up and say exactly how they feel, but most people get angry, and in retaliation, develop some form of hatred. This hatred is actually unknowingly to us, a subtle and secret need for the other person to feel bad. Yes I said so! Most of the time, we want the other person to notice our hatred for them and subsequently feel bad for it, otherwise, I don’t see why we would care to hate anyone if we really didn’t want them to know that we did in the first instance. That just defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Plus there is the possibility that this person might not care about what we feel, so why bother.
As a young man, I know that the only people I’m probably going to successfully pass on my ideals, opinions, convictions, and insinuations, without them feeling minutely skeptical or doubting to any degree, will be my own (future) kids; and this will only be binding until that stage when they begin to develop their own intuition, ideas or opinions about the world as they see it.

Like previously stated, everything read in this article is the truth of opinion as I see it with the level of information and knowledge available to me at this point in my life, LoL. Some will concur, others will refute, and that's just the point.

Have a nice weekend you all...

Video (Mood for the week): Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money

It's kind of old, probably about three or four years I think. Regardless, songs hardly ever get old for me. Here goes...

Marvin's Room

Standing a few feet away was the most beautiful person I ever laid eyes on. There was something different about this one, something indescribable – it felt almost like she didn’t know how attractive she was, how charming and bright her smile was – with a walk mimicking the sway of wild grass in the wind, she strode like she never owned a single worry in the world. Is that it? I thought. I definitely could wait no further to find out.
As I inched closer, I must have tried at least twice to discourage myself from making this move, maybe because my heart pumped really fast and loud full of nervous energy, I just could not stop my stomach grunting the whole way. What are you doing man? I stopped suddenly like someone who just remembered he had control of his legs. There’s no way I’m having a decent pick-up conversation with this woman, at least not in my present state.
Taking a full step back, I noticed the empty chair beside me. I wasn’t going anywhere soon and neither was she; the rain storm had for once served my purpose perfectly, all flights were being delayed. Now I was to enjoy the luxury of not knowing her, this way I could try to understand her before making any moves.

Angie had turned out to be exactly as I imagined the whole twenty minutes I spent sitting a few feet away from her at the airport lounge – we boarded the same flight and except for some inexplicable coincidental trick of nature, sat right next to each other on the plane. She didn’t seem pretentious, neither was she overly conceited. Heck, she acted so unaware of her aesthetic physical appearance, making her all the more appealing to me; I definitely had my fill of women who took themselves too seriously. If Angie and I were to spend a night together, and the very next morning it took her forever getting dressed, I wasn’t going to get pissed – I would simply acknowledge her effort is what I would do, she deserved that.

....and after the usual corny conversations....

Angie only smiled and looked away, she didn’t utter a single word – I felt violated. My heart stung a bit because now I was not sure if what I said had been a mistake. To make matters worse, she got her ear phones from her carry-on bag and put them on. I am so stupid, I thought to myself. I really wished I could change seats that moment, but that was never going to happen – though I felt embarrassed, I still didn’t want to give up – I mean who knows, maybe if I moved from my sitting position, another guy would take advantage and make his own move; I definitely am not the only cat with an eye and nose for sexuality, besides, I could tell this lotus liked persistence, I knew her type all too well and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a soft landing after all this to soothe my bruised ego.

Having a drink with some friends at a bar was the best way to ease the stress after a day’s work. I checked my phone, saw a few missed calls and one text message – it was from Angie, she must have sent me a text because I wasn’t picking up my calls. Why on earth was she calling me today? I thought. It had been two weeks since the flight incident and though we exchanged numbers on arrival, I wasn’t quite certain if she agreed to it for sake of courtesy or for genuine interest in me. Well truthfully, I did lean more towards the choice of courtesy and really did not expect a second meet between us. We did have a conversation towards the end of the flight but that was just about every other random thing I could conjure up, now she wanted to see me and I wasn't gonna miss it.

I arrived a full fifteen minutes past 9:30 pm – and there she was looking better and hotter than I remember, sitting at a far left side, and almost hidden corner of the room. I did return a call during the ride down to the restaurant to acknowledge receipt of her text, as well as to voice my surprise at it. I was a mess when I arrived and she let me know right up – my breath smelled of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke, sleeves on my blue shirt folded up to elbows and half tucked into plain black trousers, with some drops of sweat on my face. She was quite casual herself– wearing a plain white t-shirt, light blue jean bum-shorts that revealed full thighs and the slender calves of her lower legs. Her hair was tied into a pony-tail leaving a face so beautiful and detailed I could see every single muscle on it twitch then turn into a charming seductive smile when I offered my complement.

The last time was awesome, all the lines we crossed them, the air felt right, and the room was alive around us. The mirror on the wall by the dresser reflected an extremely sexy silhouette of the woman whom just made love to me – she tasted so good I couldn’t stop smacking my lips, her moans and cries urged me on and I could tell exactly what tempo she preferred anytime I noticed a change in the intensity of her sounds – she loved to talk crazy, I urged her on to talk crazy. Our bodies were in rhythm and she loved it as much, even better than I did. She couldn’t wait to get there, I told her she didn’t have to rush it and that I was truly deeply sorry for the wait – I valued every second of her like added time in a game of football (soccer), and I chose to stay current like waters in a lake while still moving all around like waters in a cycle. She had taken my reason to every high standing elevation present in the room, and every other place except personal; this was not the time to disagree or pick a quarrel. Angie chose to stay versatile in any kind of position by displaying her feline tendencies.
We had made way to my place after the restaurant; it was not rocket science trying to figure out what would happen next. She sent a text to see me, I came and the rest was to play out exactly how she wanted it to. This was unlike any other bout of orgasmic delusions though, I mean the intensity was heightened to uncontrollable heights, and it definitely had something to do with the emotions, sexuality and erotic fantasies she evoked.
Perhaps some part of our rhythmic ecstasy made it emotional, every regret and action during our flight the day we first laid eyes had been put into perspective and was worth the awkwardness of it all. I called her babe, she called me beau – reaffirming to let me know it’s all mine, and I said fine – that was all I ever wanted in the first place, not just the physicality of her entire being but also the emotional attachment that comes with it. I liked her at first sight, and now, I was totally in love after the first night.

The Context in Validation

It seems there is always a hidden intention within us – something to gain when giving ourselves totally and emotionally to others. Most people expect to be loved back in exactly the same amount they themselves offered their love. It is no news that most of the problems in any relationship begin when one party feels cheated – cheated in the sense that their commitment and/or emotions are not being reciprocated in equal quantity and magnitude. It is this need to get back exactly what we give in equal amount that elicits the whole lot of unresolved feelings of dissatisfaction.

Every once in a while humans hunger for the need for validation; among peers, family and every other community we find ourselves – it is also fact that majority of people love to play victim by reflecting the victim psyche outwardly instead of inwardly. It is imperative at this point, that in developing confidence, we may gain the ability to give ourselves fully without reason for reciprocation.
Speaking on confidence – it is often and very easily mistaken for arrogance or in some cases conceit. However, is it a trait capable of making most people completely sure about themselves and absolutely averse to validation?
While validation can be a good source of motivation in a work setting or among people who share the same values, the characteristic trait of boldness can come in handy. Now most people feel these two terms mean the same thing in context, but confidence is really quite different from boldness in a literal sense; whilst boldness resonates outwards, confidence resonates inwards, and neither one is derivative of the other – meaning a person could have a show of confidence and not really be bold, or one can appear bold and not really feel confident inside; it is all very relative.

Truthfully speaking, few people are born bold. A lot of people have learned to practice, develop and cultivate it because there comes a time when there is need for it. Confidence on the other hand is usually a belief system in us regarding our ability and that of those around us; sometimes it is grossly inflated, and at other times can be sold short.
Boldness is the drive that gets people doing things they never imagined, starting that relationship they never thought possible, and going farther than initially planned. Confidence is what keeps it all on track.
The problems created by an audacious and bold move can usually be disguised, even remedied, by some amount of confidence. But whatever the case, the question remains; Where does validation stand? Is it a necessity in gaining confidence or a necessary prerequisite in displaying boldness.

Video Clip: Perfomance of 'Pusher Love Girl' by Justin Timberlake & The Tennessee Kids' Band on Ellen

I really would love to see a video for this sensual track by Justin Timberlake released pretty soon. But while I wait along with those who share in my enthusiasm, I decided going on YouTube to see if I could get something worth watching pertaining to the song 'Pusher Love Girl', and I found this: It was performed on an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. A beautiful and really captivating song for the romantic at heart, I know I am. Here goes...

Did Someone Say?

The world today is plagued by greater and greater divisions–within continents, countries, political factions, families, even individuals. It seems that everywhere we turn, there is a state or form of total distraction and confusion; hardly are we able to keep our minds in one direction before getting pulled in a thousand other different and conflicting directions. With an ever expanding rate of modernization and contemporary-infused lifestyle, a lot will impact on us whether we like it or not, and no matter how much some people try to avoid entanglement in a web of societal clichés, it hardly ever becomes as expected. We get drawn into the crazy of others whether by our own doings or theirs; this can be interesting but at other times can be really sickening. Here's what I mean:

When I decide to leave the house preferably to hang out at the closest bar to chill and effectively get a lot of booze into my system – I really don’t want to have to listen to a stranger’s story or get embroiled in a fight between two obviously drunk fellows; all I want to do is get high and possibly pick up a nice lady. Did someone say, just walk away?

When I’m home and in a mood to watch a movie – I really don’t want to have to keep explaining the plot to that person sitting next to me who seems completely unaware about how distracting his/her questions are; all I want to do is watch my movie in peace and complete silence. Did someone say, just go to the cinema?

I choose to go swimming at a public pool since God hasn’t saw fit to bless me with one of my own – I really don’t want to have to see the couple at one end of the pool lost in a steamy romance session right inside the very same pool am in; all I want to do is go about my swimming and not having to fear the water being infested with bodily fluids– why don’t they just get a room or better still get out the freaking pool. Did someone say, just mind your business?

When I decide to take a public vehicle (probably a bus) to a certain destination – I really don’t want to have to take a whiff of that extremely strong perfume an absent minded passenger threw too much of on ‘herself’; all I want to do is get to my destination without suffocating on cologne best used as insecticide. Did someone say, just hire a cab instead?

When I am asked by a female friend on how she looks in a new dress – I really don’t want to have to go thorough the emotions of trying to apologize because I said the truth; all I want is to never be asked or better still, never be crucified for giving my thumbs-down. Did someone say, just lie to her and avoid all that?

When the boss gives a deadline on an assignment – I really don’t want to have to keep getting reminded on an hourly basis about what I got to do; all I want to do is focus on the assignment without getting distracted by e-mails and messengers. Did someone say, just get used to it?

So I go to church on a Sunday with the sole intention of reconnecting with my spirituality – I really don’t want to have to spend five hours listening to lengthy announcements and distracting activities; all I want to do is worship in praises, listen to the choir and go through the sermon without sleeping through it as a result of boredom, all of which should take at most three hours. Did someone say, just attend a catholic church instead?

When nature decides to get me to fall in love – I really don’t want to have to explain or write a verse about why I’m in love; all I want to do is be in love without feeling the obligation to get all gooey and emotional just to prove it. Did someone say, just don’t fall in love?

Staying out of the crazy around us is all but impossible; it is just part of the system and we are better off understanding this fact, right? Yeah, I thought so too.
Happy weekend to you all......

One Moment In Time

There is one thing which vexes all men, one thing that naturally finds its way into the deepest part of man's heart - it is vile, it is controlling and it is destructive. Ever so often, it creeps silently and without alarm, making its way into the psyche of even the most civil and noble of people. Never shall it be eliminated but ever will it rear its ugly head.
Perfection without fault or weakness is a perception by which all men are vexed. Biologically, no man deliberately attempts foolishness in the company of others; he would rather succumb to the ideologies of his better kind than suffer the dreaded fate of animosity to their ideals. Such situation is grossly exacerbated when he offers up a much more reasonable ideal than those understood by those who deem themselves more knowledgeable.
Sometimes playing down genius and occasionally displaying defects in ability earns more sympathetic-driven and genuine response than otherwise: It is now then safe to conclude beyond reasonable doubt that the human animal has a hard time dealing with feelings of inferiority.
Worthy of note is the fact that the feeling of inferiority is one that comes involuntarily, never at will - hence, none may be consciously aware of it, let alone admit it within himself.
Environments are generally more conducive to such feelings than others; its effect more serious among colleagues and peers, wherein there is some required veneer of equality.
It is in environment such as these that success and achievement stay prone to measurement by certain standards - and though the inferiority effect stays dialed down, it is however present but never a problem until it is a problem.
Is it now wise to wait for such a time when it becomes a problem? The time needed in completely eliminating it is still a time better spent avoiding it in the first instance; for in that moment will emotions keep from degenerating into absurd slander and hate.
And if this is too difficult for sake of ego, then by all means stay perfect, obvious and without fault; but remember the only moment in time this alternative serves to inspire resides only in death.

Video of the Week : Wizkid in 'Dance For Me'

A little something to get your adrenalin pumping....

The Science of Respect and Reputation

Respect! Is there any alive who does not secretly want it? Is there any who does not feel the need to be sought after by those seeking solace and remit in an otherwise sickening world?
We all have felt the need however minute to be respected and recognized by our family, by our peers, by our co-workers, by our parents and by our children if any had; it is on account of this notion that we cement a place for ourselves in our world. A man not respected by any is a man alone. How is it then that we come to gain respect, do we force it on the majority or do we let our actions, beliefs and propaganda speak for us.
The central and most powerful source for respect comes from reputation; it is the cornerstone of power and without it, there is really nothing to look up to in anyone. But keeping and holding a reputation intact throughout a person’s life might just be a little bit more difficult than imagined. The reason for this is because, letting people down is a natural part of human existence – it happens without much work going into it, and once it does, that person becomes vulnerable. Once a hole is opened up in someone’s reputation, public opinion does the rest, and when it involves family, peers or co-workers; respect for such a person is greatly reduced.
One quick example as to what reputation does for whoever hones it involves the lion - always and forever known as the king of the wild not because of its size. It is neither the biggest, strongest nor fastest of wild animals, but still it is the most feared. A hungry lion will eat, and when it does decide to this, it cares very little for how big or how fast its prey might be; it just knows it has to eat. This is what makes it the fiercest of them.
The people around us, even our closest friends and family, will to some extent remain mysterious and unfathomable. Their characters have secret recesses that they never reveal. Trying to understand people is quite disturbing if thought about long enough, and this makes it really impossible to judge them. So we just prefer to ignore this fact by just calling people like we see them, and judging by appearances what is most visible to the eyes – clothes, words, actions, gestures. One false slip or awkward change in appearance can prove disastrous, this is the reason for the supreme importance of making and maintaining a reputation that is of our own creation.

Like Tyrion Lannister(the dwarf) says in the HBO series, Game of Thrones, “Never forget who you are. Accept it, embrace it and make it yours. Wear it loud and proud like armor, and it can never be used against you. Remember never to forget it, because the world sure as hell won’t”.

Having a reputation, whether good or bad really, protects a person in the dangerous game of appearances – a game virtually played by everyone who has a brain to go with a head. I have seen many a time where people say stuff like, ‘I am always myself, and I never act what I’m not’. Yes, that’s true to an extent but when we consider a fact that no human is really perfect, how does that then translate into always being you. Since we all have an element of imperfection in us, do we let this imperfection show just because we want to be ourselves?

For, as Cisero says, even those who argue against fame still want the books they write against it to bear their name in the title and hope to become famous for despising it. Everything is subject to barter: we will let our friends have our goods and our lives if need be; but a case of sharing our fame and making someone else the gift of our reputation is hardly to be found. MONTAIGNE, 1533–1592

Being in charge and total awareness of ones’ own reputation inadvertently invokes some form of respect for the holder. Hold on to it, make it really simple and base it on one sterling quality. This single quality – say efficiency, honesty, generosity, selflessness – becomes a kind of calling card for you. Since we must live in society and must depend on the opinions of others to a certain extent, we gain much by holding a reputation and in turn earn the respect we so desire. If you are the kind that does not care what others think of you, you might just gain a reputation for being insolent and arrogant - which in itself can be both good and bad.

Young Forever - Past, Present, Future

According to the cosmology of ancient Greeks, the gods were believed to have the power of complete vision into the future. These gods they say could see everything right down to the intricate details about events yet to be. Humans on the other hand were just victims of circumstance, fate and emotions: The ancient Greeks thought themselves subject to the whims and desires of the gods; for whatever it was they(gods) deemed fit, nothing could be done to reverse it.
That comparison may just still be valid today in the sense that not all humans have come to develop an ability to pre-empt and premeditate future occurrences, I know many will dispute that line. However, taking into account that not every ambition or dream is actually foresight, we can agree to disagree. Dreams and ambitions rarely ever fit comfortably into the realistic realm of how things are supposed to be, this is because they are mostly made up of our inane human wishes and desires; most of which are totally selfish. How many people ever had a dream or an ambition that didn’t revolve solely around them?
The ability to premeditate, plan, foresee and pre-empt what might be, lies not in how big our dreams and goals are, but in the power of being able to overcome our natural human tendency to react to things as they happen; taking one step back and imagining the larger picture taking shape beyond our immediate vision is the very foundation of foresight. Every person wants a happy ending to their life-story, the problem however is we may never recognize it is indeed a happy ending until we are in fact present at that ending; it is only in that time and space when our lives flash before our eyes, will we know if we are at the happy ending we initially desired.
The ending they say is everything; it is the end of the action that determines who gets what (money, legacy, prize, glory). The conclusion is crystal clear and never vague - it is the outcome that overcomes the beginning and every other circumstance lying in between - it must be kept in mind constantly with utmost clarity.
Think for a second what you want your ending to look, feel or be like. At that point when you lay on a bed or sit on a rocking chair, feeling so fragile, weak and relaxed in old age - what will be those things that will bring both laughter and tears to your eyes at the exact same time. These are the stuff dreams are made of.
Staying young forever has absolutely nothing to do with age, but everything to do with heart and mind.

One Long Night

It is 02:47am, I should be asleep but I'm not, instead, i lay motionless on my queen size bed staring up into the ceiling, faintly hearing the hush sound of music streaming from my eight-year old Sony Deck Disc Player just across the room. "I guess i should turn it off," I think to myself. "No, maybe not." I decide to turn the volume all the way down just enough to avoid an echo through the walls into the next room.
I can hear Steve blowing snore trumpets that interrupt my thought pattern intermittently. I wonder how his girlfriend could sleep cozily next to him all night long without smothering him with a pillow, maybe relationships do work after all. In spite of all these distractions, my mind still finds time to wander in thoughts - thoughts about my sanity. "Why am i getting depressed more often, why do i feel empty inside, why does every other thing seem not to make sense?" I usually am a lot more exciting and fun - I do marijuana, party with alcohol, never stay single too long, and combine all these with a study/work schedule that keeps me on track.
"Is it the marijuana?" I ask myself. "Is this the reason i feel depressed? Have I had too much of it enough to mess with my senses?" I keep thinking. But I'm not addicted to the stuff. Gordon my next door neighbor still seems really smart and quick-witted despite the fact that he can’t go a single day without smoking at least three rolls of the 'green weed' - one when he wakes up in the morning, one when he returns home anytime of the day and one at night just before going to bed - he is so typical. "How can that possibly be the reason," I do recall getting paranoid sometimes just after I smoke a joint but who doesn't anyway, and in my opinion there are only a few side effects associated with marijuana such as hunger, sleep, excessive laughter, unnecessary happiness, headache, drowsy eyes and paranoid thoughts, depending on how the users' system functions. A smile cuts across my face bringing with it a memory of me explaining all that to an old professor of mine.

My thoughts suddenly reverse time-jump to my early teenage years, a time in my life I consider myself free from all vices, evils and negative habits. Yes, I was the dictionary definition of naivety in the flesh. I remember once loosing out on having hot passionate sex with a lady friend back then because I was scared, not that I knew exactly what to do past the kissing and minimal hand-to-boob contact anyway - what a novice I was.
I was innocent, a trait which for some reason girls my age found attractive, I still don’t understand why. Now add innocence to my adolescent charm and striking good looks back then, I was a hot spot for young girls my age, even among some older ones. During my time in junior secondary school - the equivalent for middle-school in some countries, I met my present girlfriend. She was a classmate, quite pretty and from western Nigeria. Folake had a huge crush on me for a while before I started noticing her stares, this in turn made me crush on her as well. She was wild to the bone, although she usually came off as shy and quiet to people she wasn't friends with.
One day, strolling down the hallway, She pulled me aside and asked me to spare her some time. According to her she needed help with some class note arrangements - she was head prefect. She said it had something to do with matching the notes to practical workbooks for each student, I really wasn’t listening; I was more interested in staring her up and down. She must have said something about waiting on me in the staff room, because all I could manage out my mouth was, "I’ll meet you there."
My close friends did not relent in trying to find out exactly what Folake and I talked about, more importantly, they wanted to know why she would ask me for assistance. I was the type who sat closer to the back end of the class than the front end; I had excellent grades but I and my group of friends were not listed among the overly enthusiastic students who acted overly studious for teachers to take notice. We didn’t care much for that as long as we got the notes and read it all.
I took a leave from my friends and proceeded to the staff room where i met Folake already sorting through, she must have assumed I was not coming because she looked quite surprised to see me. Why isn't the class assistant helping you do this, that's his job description, right? I quipped. Oh don't be silly, I wanted to spend some alone time with you but you’re always with those clown friends of yours, she replied. I was caught unaware, and kept totally mum because I had nothing to say.
Let’s get started, she said, breaking the silence that enveloped our presence. I moved closer, looked around the staff room to see just two teachers at their tables intently focused on whatever it was they were grading - I was convinced they didn’t hear the conversation between myself and Folake, nor did they care to. We finished sorting amidst a silence that lasted the entire time probably because I was too careful about saying the wrong thing - she must have not had much to say herself.
I’m going to get my bags, may I get yours for you? She asked. Yes please, I answered with a smile as she headed out. I followed closely behind so we could meet at the top of the stair-well leading down the four floored building block. How about we go to my place, I live really close to school and would like to have you over for some cold drinks as appreciation. I definitely was not planning to refuse such an offer. Sure why not, I replied.
It was fun hanging out at her place - we chatted and laughed while sipping cold beverages with biscuits - she had a nice looking home, almost like not a lot of people lived in it. It was really very tidy, quite unlike mine where my two brothers, myself and our little sister lived - ours was nowhere near as tidy as hers. She lived alone with her dad, her mom lived mostly in the US but often came for visits - there really was no one to mess up the house. By the end of our 'date', i had fallen deep in love with Folake, I even lost track of time and had to hurry my way back home just to avoid the questionnaire that was bound to follow.
Is this the time you now close from school? Why are you just returning? Only one person could be daring to ask me such questions, mom would still be at work and dad worked out of town. It was Agatha,my aunt. She had this urge to always boss me around like she was trying hard to assert her authority over me, but I never let her gain ground - I always talked back at her any time she tried pulling rank. On this particular day though, I was too much in a good mood to be stubborn, so I just walked past her hissing loudly enough for her to hear it. I kept thinking about Folake and all that went down at our 'date', trying to relive every moment of it in my head.

The sound of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek echoing on the ringtone of Annie’s cell phone jolts me from lost thoughts on ambivalent past memories. "Why should i be depressed?" I ask myself. My life is not so bad after all, and even if it were, I am so grateful I still have Folake in it - she makes every other thing right. I guess maybe i just let things get to me too easily, maybe I should appreciate what I have more than just worrying about what I don't, regardless of my bi-polarity.
"So you played music all through the night again?" I hear Annie’s voice sipping through the opening on the door to my bed room, her cell phone ringing must have awoken her fully - Annie is in a relationship with my flat mate, Steve. If only Folake had spent the night like we agreed, maybe I won't be loosing sleep and over thinking my depression all through the night - She's on call at the hospital anyway, I say to myself.
It has to be morning already for Annie to be fully awake, enough for her to come spying in on me and my business - she does that quite a lot - I reach out for my cell phone sitting on a stool right beside my bed. I was right, my insomnia just hit an all time high, it is now 05:15am and I didn't get any sleep.

Nigeria: Senate divided on Passage Of 'State of the Nation Address Bill 2013'

I cannot say i'm very much surprised at the way our senators choose to deliberate on the passage of bills into law. The State of the Nation Address Bill, among others, will empower the lawmakers to compel the President to appear before the National Assembly to deliver the address once a year, and quite typical of the them, trouble started when discussions on the President’s letter degenerated into a heated debate with tempers rising.

Read more of this story at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/07/state-of-the-nation-address-bill-senators-fight-over-jonathans-letter/

The Fitting Phenomenon

Change they say is constant, but the need to constantly reinvent one’s self seems a long shot for a lot of people. The power of influence is to say the least quite intoxicating, only to those who are open to it of course. Not very many people are easily coerced into fitting with the norm of society; most use religion as an excuse, others seem to believe that after a certain age one should be wise enough to know that they don't need to act a certain way just to fit in - well, they are both right in their own regard.
I never try to understand the motive behind those who use religion as a basis for every other choice they make; I also never try to understand the sentiments of those who believe they do not need to flow with the ever-changing tide of society. That said, I do believe however that in order to stay connected in the real world, one has to be able to blend effortlessly and subtly into certain aspects of the larger eco-system.

The man who intends to make his fortune in this ancient capital of the world [Rome] must be a chameleon susceptible of reflecting the colours of the atmosphere that surrounds him - a Proteus apt to assume every form, every shape. He must be supple, flexible, insinuating, close, inscrutable, often base, sometimes sincere, sometimes perfidious, always concealing a part of his knowledge, indulging in but one tone of voice, patient, a perfect master of his own countenance, as cold as ice when any other man would be all fire; and if unfortunately he is not religious at heart - a very common occurrence for a soul possessing the above requisites - he must have religion in his mind, that is to say, on his face, on his lips, in his manners; he must suffer quietly if he be an honest man, the necessity of knowing himself an arrant hypocrite. The man whose soul would loathe such a life should leave Rome [Earth] and seek his fortune elsewhere. I do not know whether I am praising or excusing myself, but of all those qualities I possessed but one - namely, flexibility.
(MEMOIRS, GIOVANNI CASANOVA, 1725-1798)

It is a natural response by some to want to go against certain ideologies that seem unreasonable, ideologies that may have become an integral part of the system within which we reside. The implication of this however does not hit us all of a sudden, it tarries a while, providing us the opportunity to either compromise or settle - and many a time, the generally accepted and obvious option is compromise.
For the strong-willed, ethically driven and/or opinionated individual, not accepting roles foisted by society is always the only option. Choosing this option enables them to re-create themselves by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Being the master of ones image makes one stand-out and seem larger than life, the negative effect of this however is quite grave. Standing out will open doors to criticism, judgement and envy, unless this person is the kind who does not mind being at the centre of negative attention.

I looked in the mirror one morning to discover my hairline was in recession. I said to myself, "What on earth?" So maybe I shouldn't have acted too surprised, it was common occurrence in my dad's side of the family - my dad was however the only exception among his brothers, all of whom had some form of hair loss - I just assumed since he was lucky to miss it, I was to share in that luck or at worst, I would have my hair loss start at no age less than forty. I was so wrong.
I had to make a choice. Do I rock a skin cut look at an age when I should be experimenting hair styles like every other guy my age was doing and risk my shining bald look being an attention grabber? Or do I keep working styles to fit around my receding hairline, which will also get another form of attention from those who notice?
I chose the former, and yes I stood out, probably because bald is not 'fancy' or 'contemporary' by society standards - after a while, I guess I didn't take notice of the stares anymore.

That analogy is nothing compared to what we have to face in society regarding acceptance and perceived standards. Giving ourselves enough wiggle-room to make changes and amends to our inherent traits is really quite necessary. It is not about fitting in altogether but understanding that we must be fluid; learning to play many roles and be whatever the moment requires, adapting our masks to the tide of things. Being susceptible to change in society is not evil, it proves acceptance; and if one must be accepted, he must be accepting.

Video: 'Ada Ada' by Flavour

The much anticipated video for the track 'Ada Ada' by Ibo dialect crooner Flavour N'abania is finally here. Most of us must have seen the behind-the-scenes footage posted via Youtube a month ago, yes? Well, the video does not disappoint and personally, it is a track I myself am addicted to. Infused with traditional Nigerian culture, it is really proudly Nigerian.

Video: Personally by Psquare

Beautifully choreographed and visually captivating, 'Personally' is a video release by the dynamic duo comprising twins Peter and Paul Okoye better known as Psquare. The video features dance diva 'Kaffy' as well as comedic genius 'Osita Iheme' AKA Pawpaw, with an over-the-top tribute to the late King of Pop, Michael Jackson. It is an enjoyable piece of work, which only shows these guys are not keen on slowing down at any moment. Watch below:

The Pain Diaries

Pain can do either one of two things: It could break us down or build us up, there are however instances when it does both sequentially. By breaking us down, we could gain some perspective on how to lift ourselves up.
Heart-break, disappointment, broken relationships, underachieved goals, are all examples of situations that evoke some amount of pain. A lot of people try to make believers of themselves by continuously affirming statements like, 'I do not care what people think of me', 'I am a tough person', 'I don't let things get to me easily', 'I can do it myself', etc. These are just few of many phrases we usually say to make ourselves feel better, when in reality, we might be hurting.

On a sunny Saturday afternoon some ten years ago, I had just done my morning chores - now getting ready to meet some friends of mine, my Motorola-branded cell rang - it was Anita. Anita and I had been dating for about a month or so, she was a goddess at least in my own eyes. Light of skin, dark brown eyes, and lips that made pink flowers the world over ashamed of themselves. what she lacked in physical appearance, she made up for in character - very kind and sweet she was. I flaunted her whenever I could and as a teen, I was quite proud of myself - I had an angel for a girlfriend.
Maybe I made her feel too special or maybe I got boring, maybe she thought herself too beautiful to be in a committed relationship - I still don't know - that call though, I still know all about it, it definitely did the damage it was meant for. Anita had broken up with me and girl did not seem tense about it at all, in fact, it was more like a casual greeting exchanged between neighbours during the wee hours of the morning - so straight forward it was, no plea, no reason, and definitely no hormone-induced exchange. I was young and that was hurtful. I have since recovered.

'Terror' was the name given to a cross-bred German-shepherd puppy of ours. He grew quite big for his age, at six months he could stand on his hind legs and be face to face with me standing at five foot-ten - very bubbly and quite fun to be around, he ate almost every other left-over we had to offer - the canine had no restraint whatsoever when it came to food, this just made him all the more delightful to have around. I had just returned home during a mid-semester break, tired and hungry I made for my bed. Maybe because it was assumed I already knew, no one told me Terror had died - it wasn't until the next morning I realized the compound was unusually quiet. "Well of course," I thought to myself, there was no sound of growling or barking. "Where is that fat dog," I asked. "Oh I thought you knew, he died two weeks ago." It was anger I felt, probably because I blamed the dog keeper for not paying close attention to Terror's health.

Writing my university entrance exam a second time was as tense as it could possibly be, I failed it the first time so it had to be better this time around. On completing the papers within the designated time, I remember being really excited at the outcome - it went smoothly and I wrote cleverly, in fact, it seemed quite easy to me. So you can imagine my shock when two weeks later at a cyber cafe, I saw a score of 193 as against the minimum requirement of 200. I had fell short a second time and I was heart-broken - so much that I told myself I would never attend a university, it was that bad. I was so disappointed and lost focus, the pain was too much. Of course I lived through it, got into the university and studied the course I always wanted to.

First time i saw my mom cry, I don't even think I have seen her shed a tear since then - the woman's a robot. I was a kid actually, an uncle of hers' came visiting just like every other day he did; only this time, he brought devastating news of the passing of a family friend of hers'. It was not a good sight, but I understood pain and its psychological effect on us. It made my otherwise strong and fierce mom break-down.
No one is immune to it, it strikes us and we feel the weight of it. It comes in many forms and my illustrations above are mere representations on emotional responses in different situations. Pain never killed anyone, and I don't suppose it ever will so there's really no point letting others dictate our emotional state.
Learning to embrace circumstances is a proven method to overcoming the negative effect such may pose to incite in us. By accepting what we have little or no control over, we activate a fail-safe in us that instinctively provides a solution dependent upon how each individual is built.

Analogues Of Infection: The Nut And The Campanile

Infectious behaviors and attitudes abound all around us - sometimes they make a lasting impact on us, and sometimes they just infect us temporarily - nevertheless, it is a wise thing to avoid people who are bitter, unhappy, vindictive and sour. Emotional states are as infectious as diseases, they can sap and draw out many a good emotion and replace them with unhealthy feelings of resentment. I have heard someone say 'A man can die from the misery of another' - I do not know how true that may be but i can say for certain that the misery of one may often time rub off on another.

Many things are said to be infectious. Sleeping can be infectious, and yawning as well. In large-scale strategy, when the enemy is agitated and shows an inclination to rush, do not mind in the least. Make a show of complete calmness, and the enemy will be taken by this and will become relaxed. You infect their spirit. You can infect them with a carefree drunk-like spirit, with boredom or even weakness. (A BOOK OF FIVE RINGS, MIYAMOTO MUSASHI, SEVENTEENTH CENTURY)

There are so many around us who have been brought down by circumstances beyond their control, they deserve all the help and sympathy we can give them. But make no mistake, there are those who are not born to misfortune or unhappiness, but have drawn it upon themselves by their destructive actions and unsettling effect on others - it would be a great thing if we could help them, change their patterns or possibly even raise them up - but this may just be our undoing, we might just get caught up in the whirlwind of negativity circling above them. The reason for this is, humans are very susceptible to the moods, emotions, and thinking patterns of those with whom we spend our time.
Chronic dissatisfaction is one of the most insidious infections we come across. It is the building block by which all other negative emotions draw fuel. Bitterness, unhappiness, excessive thinking, sourness and vindictiveness are all signs of dissatisfaction. On the other hand, contentment is the one and only vaccination against dissatisfaction - contentment with ourselves, our community and generally our lives can go a long way to reducing, even eliminating, the infectious nature of discontent.
There will always be those who suffer from unhappiness and such, I do not say to run the other way whenever we meet them - we must however be careful when trying to better their situation - the first step being understanding the reason for their unhappiness, then working your way up from there. There is no need trying to change one whose heart and soul is discontent. Being able to recognize people on the effect they have on those around them is a sure way to know who is happy and who is not. Associating with those who draw happiness to themselves by their good cheer, natural buoyancy, and intelligence is not just a preference - it is a necessity.
If by nature you are miserly, or possibly just bitter through no fault of yours, it is necessary to associate with generous and lively souls. Doing this will draw their emotions to you, it opens up everything that is tight and restricted in you.
A gloomy individual must gravitate towards the cheerful.
An isolated individual must befriend the gregarious.
Never associate with those who share your defects - that just reinforces everything that holds you back from getting far in life. It is certain that we always come across those who do not appreciate our work, those who will not just understand our perspective - these people will try to bring you down by bad-mouthing you, some by indirectly poking hurtful jabs at you - after knowing all this, never give in to subtle or harsh critical opinions when you know your worth and yourself.

A famous Italian Renaissance polymath wrote this story:
THE NUT AND THE CAMPANILE
A nut found itself carried by a crow to the top of a tall campanile, and by falling into a crevice succeeded in escaping its dread fate. It then besought the wall to shelter it, by appealing to it by the grace of God, and praising its height, and the beauty and noble tone of its bells. "Alas," it went on, "as I have not been able to drop beneath the green branches of my old father and to lie in the fallow earth covered by his fallen leaves, do you, at least, not abandon me. When I found myself in the beak of the cruel crow, I made a vow that if I escaped, I would end my life in a little hole."
At these words, the wall, moved with compassion, was content to shelter the nut in the spot where it had fallen. Within a short time, the nut burst open: Its roots reached in between the crevices of the stones and began to push them apart; its shoots pressed up towards the sky. They soon rose above the building, and as the twisted roots grew thicker they began to thrust the walls apart and force the ancient stones from their old places. Then the wall, too late and in vain, bewailed the cause of its destruction, and in short time it fell to ruin. (LEONARDO DA VINCI, 1452-1519)

Such is the power of infection.

Society, Belief And Equality (Part 3): The Niche

Influence is a very powerful thing. It is that which we are accustomed to seeing, that forms the basic rudiment of our personalities. Personality is therefore a function of the immediate environment; whether we be sanguine, choleric, phlegmatic or melancholic, the smallest building block that shapes and remoulds our outlook on society stays primarily dependent on influence; influence itself being dependent on whatever societal niche we fall into.
We are all part of at least one niche: At work, at home, on the internet, at school, on the playground, at the cinema, at the market place.....the list goes on and on, and our ability to recognize the characteristic behaviour among members of a particular niche keeps us from animosity.

I believe it is highly unlikely to change or alter the way a person thinks. People will behave in a way they are most comfortable in, so pushing them out of their comfort zone is really far-fetched.
Because our social and cultural niches have so much in recent times become so intertwined; people who share the same culture will also share the same social values most of the time, and those who do not, probably grew up living under a culture different from one they would fit into naturally. But even in this situation, such people will still seek out those who share in their ancestry.
Evolution has made us inextricably social and cultural. We are, each of us, born into a particular society with its specific structure and a particular culture with its specific languages and beliefs. For humans, then, society and culture constitute niches at least as much as the ecological environment.

The social niche of a population is the sum of all the social selection pressures to which the population is exposed and the cultural niche of a population is the sum of all the cultural selection pressures to which the population is exposed (Odling-Smee et al.). These are two very different ideals. We focus on the interaction of society (role-structures) and culture (ideas) and the potential for their distinct dynamics to reshape our outlook on the world.

STEREOTYPING: This is one very common sign that tells the ideals of a societal niche, it is man-made; we usually employ this in an attempt to distinguish ourselves from those we feel we do not share a cultural and/or social niche with.
INTIMACY: Sexually and psychologically, our likeness and fondness for people will usually be based on how much we share an attribute with them; socially and/or culturally.
CHARACTER: People will most likely behave in the same way if they share an ideal about life. Although character can be influenced at different stages in ones' life, the basic trait of an individual is never totally lost during their transitional developmental stages.
OPINION: Opinion is not really a guaranteed factor in identifying niches since it is not a belief system. It however is subject to our sub-conscious, meaning it still is an inverse function of dependence on the niche we belong to.

The totality of human existence is by far dependent on society and its various niches, the greatest of which is the world-niche. Every other sub-category is humanely induced - sometimes unknowingly, and sometimes deliberately. Whatever the case, there is no belief system that trumps another in its entirety. Somehow it stays interwoven, thus keeping us mold into one massive ball of complexities.

Society, Belief And Equality (2): Ostentation

Have you ever achieved a set goal and felt the need to let everyone else know about it, about how you worked so hard at it? Yes, I'm sure you have at least at one time or the other. Humans always want to talk non-stop about their good deeds, it is almost impossible to keep a tight lid on ones' own accomplishments; why? because it feels good to hear ourselves talk about them.
However, people naturally do not want to see or listen to others brag about what they did and did-not, it usually comes off as blowing trumpets. Sounding the alarm when a good thing or deed is done not only feels good to the bearer, it also incites disgust from most hearers. This is really no fault of theirs (hearers) because they themselves might have worked hard, sometimes even harder than the bearer; so hearing others rant on and on about how good they did stirs up some form of resentment. It is never prudent to prattle on about yourself or call too much attention to your actions. The more we talk about our deeds, the more suspicion we invoke and God help us if the wrong person with some built-up resentment decides to put the braggadocio in us to rest.
We also make the mistake of thinking that we are safe to speak of our achievements amongst our close friends and family, this is also a mistake. At a time during our developmental stage in life, the first people we measure our success by are usually those closest to us; they are the ones we see almost on a daily basis. Even among siblings, there exists a little and subtle form of competition.
The only person that we could completely trust to listen to our own achievement and deed is ourselves. This will not only keep us happy, it will also give us a sense of fulfillment. Talking less about yourself and more about the other person is always a preference in dealing with people. If you are to let your deeds become a topic of discussion, it should be at the behest of another; even at that, it must remain modest.

I was at a gathering yesterday morning, a gathering of at least three hundred men and women. An introduction was made ushering in a speaker, he was very well dressed - nicely cut tailor-made suit, he also had a confident (kind of swagger) carriage. Dead silence fell on the room as I'm sure everyone was eager to hear his lecture, same as I. After about five or six minutes of getting the crowd relaxed and loosened up by telling half-good jokes, Mr. speaker man spent the next thirty minutes talking about all that he owned, things he had acquired within the past two years speaking on the topic he was about to share with us.
It was a good lecture in the end, but the emotions he had stirred up at the beginning of his lecture made almost every other person in the room complacent when it came time to contributing financially in highlighting his invitation; kind of as a form of appreciation somewhat. By speaking too much of himself, unknowingly to him, he had caused people to think he was being manipulative. He might have waited till the end of the lecture, at least by what time we would have drawn up our own conclusions on his ability to communicate effectively.
Avoiding ostentation wherever we are is really not that difficult, plus it does more good than harm.

Society, Belief And Equality (1)

Altering ones' style and language to suit different people at different times is by far a great developmental asset. The pseudo-belief in equality - the idea that talking and acting the same way with everyone, no matter their rank, makes us somehow a paragon of civilization - is a terrible mistake. That said, it is not an entirely bad thing to have a distinct aura about one's self, but if a person decides to be blunt and straight forward all the time; those below them might take it as a form of condescension, while those above them will be offended, though they may not admit it.
It is a necessity thus, to be master in the art of subtlety when relating with others in our society. Subtlety stands in for the sake of individuals who are not able to completely alter their persona at will. But for those willing, changing your style and way of speaking to suit each individual differently, is always worth the effort.
Never should we assume that our criteria for behaviour and judgement are universal. Adapting to different cultures and traditions is the highest form of civility one can possess, it also puts us at an advantage.

It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter - an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy. A sensible man will be generous in the use of it...Wax, a substance naturally hard and brittle, can be made soft by the application of a little warmth, so that it will take any shape you please. In the same way, by being polite and friendly, you can make people pliable and obliging, even though they are apt to be crabbed and malevolent. Hence politeness is to human nature what warmth is to wax. (ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER, 1788-1860)

Now, there are those with whom civility have no effect. Not everyone is adept at being open to politeness; for as little warmth softens wax, it has no effect on metal. To soften metal, one must apply intense heat which in itself can be dangerous without bodily protection. It is now also necessary that we know whom is wax and whom is metal.

Society And Character

While a poor woman stood in the market place selling cheese, a cat came along and carried of a cheese. A dog saw the pilferer and tried to take the cheese away from him, but the cat stood up to the dog. They pitched into each other. Whilst the dog barked and snapped, the cat spat and scratched; but they could bring the battle to no decision.
"Let us go to the fox and have him referee the matter," the cat finally suggested. "Agreed," said the dog. So they went to the fox. The fox listened to their arguments with a judicious air. "Foolish animals," he chided them, "why carry on like that? If both of you are willing, I'll divide the cheese in two and you'll both be satisfied."
"Agreed," said the cat and the dog. So the fox took out his knife and cut the cheese in two, but, instead of cutting it lengthwise, he cut it in the width. "My half is smaller!" the dog protested. The fox looked judiciously through his spectacles at the dog's share. "You are right, quite right!" the fox decided. So he went and bit off a piece of the cat's share. "That should make it even," he said.
When the cat saw what the fox did she began to yowl: "Just look! My part is smaller now!" The fox again put on his spectacles and looked judiciously at the cat's share. "Right you are," said the fox. "Just a moment, and i will make it right." And he went and bit off a piece from the dog's cheese. This went on so long with the fox nibbling first at the dog's and then at the cat's share, then he finally ate up the whole cheese before their eyes. (A TREASURE OF JEWISH FOLKLORE, NATHAN AUSUBEL, ED., 1948)

There is a quote that goes like, "People always want what they cannot have." Well for the purpose of this post, I'm rephrasing it to be, "People will always want what they do not yet have."

There are a lot of interpretations and explanations regarding the word 'Envy', it would be time-consuming to get into each and every one of them. But the point being made in its entirety is virtually the same. It is a perfectly normal human emotion; though it is an emotion one might never hear another admit to very often. It is a strong emotion nonetheless; one that has divided kingdoms, started wars, and even torn relationships apart. Yes, envy has been and will always be, and i do not aim to banish it by writing this expose'. For those with an open mind willing to see the danger for what it is, pay close attention: ENVY IS THE WORST KIND OF EMOTION A PERSON CAN HAVE!
It is the mother of all negative emotions we as humans have come to see as normal. Hate, jealousy, anger, malice, corruption, aggression, and so on... all stem from a trunk of envy. It is the selfish need to be better than the next person that incites a lot of most if not all of the negative emotions we feel for others. Have i ever felt envious of another? Of course i have, else i would not be writing this.
Will the world automatically become a better place if we all choose to avoid emotions like these? No, I do not think so, but, it is a step in the right direction.

Passing Thoughts

Earlier today i came across an online forum where some moral issues and perceived standards were being discussed, so I just had to chip in my thoughts and of course, it rumpled a few feathers; I guess maybe my point of view is a little bit too rational for some. What I believe though is there are always rational explanations to everything that happens, irrationality on the other hand is the much more easy-to-grasp option we choose to understand something we could not understand otherwise. It is really easy to sit in judgement on other people when we ourselves are not completely free from errors.

Most of us try to do the right things in life if only so because we want to look ourselves in the mirror the next day and like who we see. Nobody wants to live with guilt, regrets and/or remorse and with good reason, things like that can be disastrous. I have noticed though that there are certain people out there who feel morally superior to others in their ability to tell right from wrong; these are the ones I refer to as irrational. People like this will usually make an argument based on their religious or moral predisposition rather than on what is probable.
We see ourselves as much more ethical, thereby relegating every other person that does not fit into our ethical and moral criteria. Usually, this behavior stems from a misconceived notion and an inflated unrealistic self-aggrandizing view of ourselves: Criticizing the inaction of others is by far the easiest route to making ones' self feel better. When we say we would never do this or that in a certain situation, are we really being true to ourselves? Okay so maybe we are, but does that make us better decision makers because we never fell short in our lives? Does it entail we were master of our own life-course? At what point does reason get mixed up with cynicism? The fact is, no one really knows how they would react in any given situation unless confronted with that situation.
Statements like, I would never cheat on a test, or cheat on my spouse; never break the law, never behave like that morally bankrupt guy; are all ethically accepted views. But does anyone ever start out wanting to be morally bankrupt? Does the teenage girl next door want to be a mom at 16? I don't think so. Then why do people with a mistaken and inflated moral view of themselves try to weigh the in-actions of others based on their own moral inclination; holding everyone else up to their high moral standards.
Passing judgement on people only serves to make us appear more superior in our own eyes. It leaves me thinking that when an irrational person experiences a situation where their actions falls short of the expectations of others, it might certainly teach them something, perhaps humble them to the point where their expectations become a little bit more rational. He/She might just realize that most behaviors are usually in direct proportion with the situation causing it(cause and effect) and not the moral inclination of the person involved. I do not intend making excuses for immorality, I am only being rational.
We have resorted to setting up double standards for ourselves just to give us enough leeway, so we can look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are not breaking any rules. We create loop-holes for ourselves and in so doing become hypocrites.
I think we all are a little bit guilty of having the holier-than-thou sentiment built into us. After all, it is not so bad to think good of yourself and to have standards of behavior that are a ideal. The trouble comes when we try to impose our ideals, ethics and moral beliefs on others, and then criticize them when they fail to meet it.

Society And Isolation

So I guess we all have been in a situation where all we wanted was to be left alone, I know I have. This behaviour is not an entirely awkward one; but when being alone becomes the identity associated with an individual, the effects are threatening.
Why it could be threatening, you may ask. The simple explanation is; our social lives, our behaviour, our attitude, and our personal relationships become affected, they deteriorate so much that the only way out of the brewing catastrophe is to do the exact opposite of what being left alone originally entails. Becoming sociable and accessible is just about as good as medicine is to health in countering the effects of isolation.
The world is dangerous and there are enemies everywhere-everyone has to protect themselves. Building a fortress or wall will almost always seem the best and safest alternative. But isolation exposes us to more danger than it protects us from; it cuts the individual from valuable information-information that may not be so important to this individual, but still it is information nonetheless. Isolation also makes a person conspicuous and an easy target. Humans, being habitual in nature will find a way to make the stand-alone guy regret ever being a loner. People love to see that others are interested in them, this is one sentiment a loner does not care to stroke. Keeping ones' self in a one-man army comes off to others as a sign of arrogance and aloofness, this may just be the number one reason why a loner is usually mistaken for an arrogant/proud person.
It is good to circulate among people, find allies, and mingle. “No man is an island”, they say. An individual is usually shielded from predator jabs and disgruntled attacks from others when they blend into the crowd.
The center of attention and completely obvious John will almost always, and with certainty, be the focal point of criticism when the time comes for it.

THE EMPEROR RULER OF CHINA
Ch’in Shih Huang Ti, the first emperor of China (221-210 B.C), was the mightiest man of his day. His empire was vaster and more powerful than that of Alexander the Great. He had conquered all the kingdoms surrounding his own kingdom of Ch’in and unified them into one massive realm called China, forging a single nation and culture out of many. He also consolidated the many walls on the borders and built them into the Great Wall of China. Now after so many accomplishments, and during the last years of his life; few, if anyone, saw him.
The emperor lived in the most magnificent palace built to that date, in the capital city of Hsien-yang. The palace had 270 pavilions; all of these were connected by secret underground passageways, allowing the emperor to move through the palace without anyone seeing him. He slept in a different room every night, and anyone who inadvertently laid eyes on him was instantly beheaded. Only a handful of men knew his whereabouts, and if they revealed it to anyone, they too, were put to death.
The first emperor had grown so terrified of human contact that when he had to leave the palace he traveled incognito, disguising himself carefully. On one such trip through the provinces, he ‘suddenly’ died. His body was borne back to the capital in the emperor’s carriage, with a cart packed with salted fish trailing behind to cover up the smell of the rotting corpse-no one was to know of his death. He died alone, far from his family, his wives, his friends, and his courtiers, accompanied only by a minister and a handful of eunuchs.
Emperor Ch’in was a renowned warrior, fearless and of unbridled ambition. He made many enemies because of his policies, most of which he enacted during the process of unification. As a result of this, he grew constantly afraid, even paranoid, thus he withdrew deeper and deeper into the palace to protect himself. As a side effect of the decision he made to remain hidden, he slowly lost control of the realm and happenings around him. Eunuchs and ministers formulated political policies and enacted them without his approval, some even without his knowledge; they also plotted against him. By the end, he was emperor in name only because he was so isolated; he also lost the respect and reverence he once commanded in his court.

This is one of many repercussions in isolation: Retreat into a fortress and you lose your ear for what is happening around you, as well as a sense of proportion. I myself have been in a situation like this, I know from experience that keeping to ones’ self and being isolated creates more problems than it solves. Apart from cutting yourself off from all kinds of information around you, one can become a victim of depression, even suicidal thoughts may emerge if not managed carefully. Suffice it to say, Emperor Ch’in Shih Huang Ti was poisoned by the very same people he let into the wall he formed around himself.

(Solitude is dangerous to reason, without being favourable to virtue... Remember that the solitary mortal is certainly luxurious, probably superstitious, and possibly mad, Dr. SAMUEL JOHNSON, 1709-1784).

Because humans are social creatures by nature, anyone who seeks to be left alone will only stir up some form of antagonizing behaviour from those around him. He will become the butt of a joke, the focal point of an illustration, in fact, trouble will always be directed towards him; all this is done mostly to illicit some kind of reaction from that individual, a reaction that will definitely push him out of the cage he built around himself. In my experience with it, I just had to deal with it; there are places where I’m seen as the loner, then there are places where I’m seen as the outgoing sociable type. To counter-balance my genetic trait of being mostly reserved; I chose where, when and in what situation to remain isolated; after weighing the effects of course. Whenever I did decide to keep to myself, probably as a last resort to thinking clearly and gaining perspective on an idea or object of thought, I’m usually very careful in keeping a way back into society wide open.
The more a person is in contact with others, the more graceful and at ease they become. Isolation, on the other hand, engenders awkwardness in a persons' gestures. This awkwardness is easy to sense, and will only drive the individual further into isolation.

(A good and wise prince, desirous of maintaining that character, and to avoid giving the opportunity to his sons to become oppressive, will never build fortresses, so that they may place their reliance upon the good will of their subjects, and not upon the strength of citadels, NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI, 1469-1527).

Society, Opinion And Perspective

THE CROW AND THE SHEEP
A troublesome Crow sat herself on the back of a Sheep. The sheep, much against his will, carried her backward and forward for a long time, and at last said, “If you had treated a Dog in this way, you would have had your deserts from his sharp teeth.” To this the Crow replied, “I despise the weak, and yield to the strong. I know whom I may bully, and whom I must flatter; and thus I hope to prolong my life to a good old age, (FABLES, AESOP, SIXTH CENTURY B.C).

One can never assume that everyone they come across reacts or responds in the same way to character stimulus. I know this sounds a little cliché, but no matter how much we’ve heard about how people are really very different in perspectives and opinion, we still make the mistake of thinking we can make people think and act the way we do. There are many kinds of people; choose to deceive, outmaneuver, outsmart or cajole some, they will spend the rest of their lives seeking revenge for hurting their ego. These are the wolves in lambs’ clothing, be careful never to offend this bunch and the ability to distinguish wolves from lambs, hawks from vultures, and foxes from hares is critical to our existence. Deal the same blow to every person you come across, trust me you will live a life of constant regret and frustration, if you even live that long.

During my time in the university, I had this circle of friends; close we were, we partied together, studied together, had fun together. There was one of us though who was a little bit too insecure, so much that he always took mild jokes too personal. Long story short, our friendship with him is not as solid. I will now list some categories of people we might have come across from time to time, and we can fit our friends, family and acquaintances into any of these categories.

The Hopelessly Insecure Man: People like this are hard to spot, but like my friend above it’s easy to identify them when they take jokes and whims personal. These people will attack back in little bites that will take forever to get big enough for you to notice. Please do not offend people like this, and when you do anyway, be sure to stay away from them for a very long time.

The Arrogant and Proud Man: Any man with just a little bit of touchy pride and/or ego is very dangerous when offended. These are the ones that will overreact when their ego is threatened. Don’t bother trying to figure out this person, there is no sanity in their actions.

The Serpent with a Long memory: These ones are quite dangerous; no show of the hurt-emotion makes them the ultimate destroyer. Usually they act cold, uninterested and unaffectionate but these are just fronts for how they truly feel inside. They wait patiently for the perfect time to have the last laugh.

Mr. Suspicion: People in this category are boring to be around since everything must revolve around them. They see only what they want to see-usually the worst-in other people, and imagines everyone is after their downfall. People like this are not dangerous; they however never completely trust anyone around them, which just makes them awkward.

The Plain, Unassuming, and Often Unintelligent Man: These are the rarest kind of people one can come across, usually because humans generally do not like looking stupid. People like this will deliberately act unintelligent and uninformed to make you feel in charge, when in fact they counting all your wrongs, and waiting the day they may pounce.

When you meet a swordsman, draw your sword: Do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet. (FROM A CH’AN BUDDHIST CLASSIC; QUOTED IN THUNDER IN THE SKY, TRANSLATED BY THOMAS CLEARY, 1993).

Plans And Consequence

THE TWO FROGS:
Two frogs dwelt in the same pool. The pool being dried up under the summer's heat, left it, and set out together to seek another home. As they went along they chanced to pass a deep well, amply supplied with water, and on seeing this one of the frogs said to the other: "Let us descend and make our abode in this well, it will furnish us with shelter and food." The other replied with greater caution: "But suppose the water should fail us, how can we get out again from so great a depth?"
(FABLES, AESOP, SIXTH CENTURY B.C).

Do nothing without a regard to the consequence. This might make you seem less ambitious, but it is better to be cautious than it is to be regretful of ones' actions.
The ending/ambition/goal/dream of any human is 'everything', for without any of these, one cannot but phase through life like leaves on a tree. Leaves have no sense of belonging. They are produced, they thrive, they remain green, they wither, and then they drop to the ground. That is all they do, it isn't rocket science. As humans, the ending is everything; plan all the way to it, taking into account all the possible consequences, obstacles, and twists of fortune that might reverse your hard work and give the glory to others.
Most men are ruled by the heart, not the head. Our plans are vague, and when we come across situations that prove unexpected, we improvise. Now the problem with improvisation is, it only gets us as far as the next crises. if you are not a theatre or motion picture actor, a performer and/or an entertainer, it is wise to leave improvisation techniques to those trained in it. Whilst improvising a solution can come in handy, it only postpones the crisis, it is never a substitute for thinking several steps ahead and planning to the end.

(There are very few men-and they are the exceptions-who are able to think and feel beyond the present moment, CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ, 1780-1831).

On the other hand, there are those people who are very good at setting goals for themselves, these group of people actually get what they started out for, but somewhere along the line they become so engrossed in winning, so much that coming off the attack becomes impossible. In other words, they become greedy. In reality though, aiming for a goal and keeping to it is very critical in the long run.
The person who goes too far in his triumphs creates a reaction that inevitably leads to a decline. Desires and aspirations are 'very different' from goals and dreams, most people believe that they are in fact aware of the future, that they are planning and thinking ahead. They are actually deluded: What they are actually doing is succumbing to their desires, to what they want the future to be. Plans like this are vague, based on imagination rather than reality. I myself have had to deal with desires that are really not mine per say, it is quite common with young people, although i have come across certain young people who are very focused on the task at hand because it yields their expectations in the future. There is no universal law governing the extent to which one can aspire, there is however a law that balances consequence and action.

Objectivity trumps subjectivity anytime, any day.
(He who asks fortune-tellers the future unwittingly forfeits an inner intimation of coming events that are a thousand times more exact than anything they may say, WALTER BENJAMIN, 1892-1940).