One Long Night

It is 02:47am, I should be asleep but I'm not, instead, i lay motionless on my queen size bed staring up into the ceiling, faintly hearing the hush sound of music streaming from my eight-year old Sony Deck Disc Player just across the room. "I guess i should turn it off," I think to myself. "No, maybe not." I decide to turn the volume all the way down just enough to avoid an echo through the walls into the next room.
I can hear Steve blowing snore trumpets that interrupt my thought pattern intermittently. I wonder how his girlfriend could sleep cozily next to him all night long without smothering him with a pillow, maybe relationships do work after all. In spite of all these distractions, my mind still finds time to wander in thoughts - thoughts about my sanity. "Why am i getting depressed more often, why do i feel empty inside, why does every other thing seem not to make sense?" I usually am a lot more exciting and fun - I do marijuana, party with alcohol, never stay single too long, and combine all these with a study/work schedule that keeps me on track.
"Is it the marijuana?" I ask myself. "Is this the reason i feel depressed? Have I had too much of it enough to mess with my senses?" I keep thinking. But I'm not addicted to the stuff. Gordon my next door neighbor still seems really smart and quick-witted despite the fact that he can’t go a single day without smoking at least three rolls of the 'green weed' - one when he wakes up in the morning, one when he returns home anytime of the day and one at night just before going to bed - he is so typical. "How can that possibly be the reason," I do recall getting paranoid sometimes just after I smoke a joint but who doesn't anyway, and in my opinion there are only a few side effects associated with marijuana such as hunger, sleep, excessive laughter, unnecessary happiness, headache, drowsy eyes and paranoid thoughts, depending on how the users' system functions. A smile cuts across my face bringing with it a memory of me explaining all that to an old professor of mine.

My thoughts suddenly reverse time-jump to my early teenage years, a time in my life I consider myself free from all vices, evils and negative habits. Yes, I was the dictionary definition of naivety in the flesh. I remember once loosing out on having hot passionate sex with a lady friend back then because I was scared, not that I knew exactly what to do past the kissing and minimal hand-to-boob contact anyway - what a novice I was.
I was innocent, a trait which for some reason girls my age found attractive, I still don’t understand why. Now add innocence to my adolescent charm and striking good looks back then, I was a hot spot for young girls my age, even among some older ones. During my time in junior secondary school - the equivalent for middle-school in some countries, I met my present girlfriend. She was a classmate, quite pretty and from western Nigeria. Folake had a huge crush on me for a while before I started noticing her stares, this in turn made me crush on her as well. She was wild to the bone, although she usually came off as shy and quiet to people she wasn't friends with.
One day, strolling down the hallway, She pulled me aside and asked me to spare her some time. According to her she needed help with some class note arrangements - she was head prefect. She said it had something to do with matching the notes to practical workbooks for each student, I really wasn’t listening; I was more interested in staring her up and down. She must have said something about waiting on me in the staff room, because all I could manage out my mouth was, "I’ll meet you there."
My close friends did not relent in trying to find out exactly what Folake and I talked about, more importantly, they wanted to know why she would ask me for assistance. I was the type who sat closer to the back end of the class than the front end; I had excellent grades but I and my group of friends were not listed among the overly enthusiastic students who acted overly studious for teachers to take notice. We didn’t care much for that as long as we got the notes and read it all.
I took a leave from my friends and proceeded to the staff room where i met Folake already sorting through, she must have assumed I was not coming because she looked quite surprised to see me. Why isn't the class assistant helping you do this, that's his job description, right? I quipped. Oh don't be silly, I wanted to spend some alone time with you but you’re always with those clown friends of yours, she replied. I was caught unaware, and kept totally mum because I had nothing to say.
Let’s get started, she said, breaking the silence that enveloped our presence. I moved closer, looked around the staff room to see just two teachers at their tables intently focused on whatever it was they were grading - I was convinced they didn’t hear the conversation between myself and Folake, nor did they care to. We finished sorting amidst a silence that lasted the entire time probably because I was too careful about saying the wrong thing - she must have not had much to say herself.
I’m going to get my bags, may I get yours for you? She asked. Yes please, I answered with a smile as she headed out. I followed closely behind so we could meet at the top of the stair-well leading down the four floored building block. How about we go to my place, I live really close to school and would like to have you over for some cold drinks as appreciation. I definitely was not planning to refuse such an offer. Sure why not, I replied.
It was fun hanging out at her place - we chatted and laughed while sipping cold beverages with biscuits - she had a nice looking home, almost like not a lot of people lived in it. It was really very tidy, quite unlike mine where my two brothers, myself and our little sister lived - ours was nowhere near as tidy as hers. She lived alone with her dad, her mom lived mostly in the US but often came for visits - there really was no one to mess up the house. By the end of our 'date', i had fallen deep in love with Folake, I even lost track of time and had to hurry my way back home just to avoid the questionnaire that was bound to follow.
Is this the time you now close from school? Why are you just returning? Only one person could be daring to ask me such questions, mom would still be at work and dad worked out of town. It was Agatha,my aunt. She had this urge to always boss me around like she was trying hard to assert her authority over me, but I never let her gain ground - I always talked back at her any time she tried pulling rank. On this particular day though, I was too much in a good mood to be stubborn, so I just walked past her hissing loudly enough for her to hear it. I kept thinking about Folake and all that went down at our 'date', trying to relive every moment of it in my head.

The sound of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek echoing on the ringtone of Annie’s cell phone jolts me from lost thoughts on ambivalent past memories. "Why should i be depressed?" I ask myself. My life is not so bad after all, and even if it were, I am so grateful I still have Folake in it - she makes every other thing right. I guess maybe i just let things get to me too easily, maybe I should appreciate what I have more than just worrying about what I don't, regardless of my bi-polarity.
"So you played music all through the night again?" I hear Annie’s voice sipping through the opening on the door to my bed room, her cell phone ringing must have awoken her fully - Annie is in a relationship with my flat mate, Steve. If only Folake had spent the night like we agreed, maybe I won't be loosing sleep and over thinking my depression all through the night - She's on call at the hospital anyway, I say to myself.
It has to be morning already for Annie to be fully awake, enough for her to come spying in on me and my business - she does that quite a lot - I reach out for my cell phone sitting on a stool right beside my bed. I was right, my insomnia just hit an all time high, it is now 05:15am and I didn't get any sleep.