No one in their right minds ever admits to wrong-doing, in fact those who have been clinically and medically proven to be out of their right minds still refuse to admit to wrong-doing. Psych wards are filled with people who believe they’re not meant to be there, prison cells are packed full of convicts claiming innocence, and the rest of the sane world is complete with people who believe in their ideals and are ready to compel others into believing them as well. Understandably, what I am referring to here has nothing to do with structure, standards and guidelines (or laws); these actually keep the world order in check. My reference centers completely on the area of personal convictions.
I love to point out a statement made by a Google plus friend of mine whom I respect for his constructive critique and writing pointers for me – He had this to say about truth and opinion (not in his exact words): “opinions are strictly individualistic, they are subject to the level of knowledge available to whomever offers it and at that specific time...it is also believed to be the truth as they know it. However, truth is not exact; it is shaped by what we see around us, it is sometimes a product of the lies we tell ourselves on how things should be (which might really not be the exact way these things should be in the natural sense of it).” In other words, absolute truth in opinion is never 100% exact in authenticity. No one person, and I mean none whatsoever, should completely regard his or her personal ideal, belief or opinion as sacred and universal. That said, herein lies a problem – we have for sake of not being classified as being selfish in our opinions, opted to give credence to the known and widely accepted ideals of a recognized larger force or system. Some of these larger systems include: Religion, Tradition, Ethics, and cults (remember, a cult here is any group with laid down guidelines and/or code of conducts designed to unite its members in purpose).
My parents have this prayer they offer anytime we have a family gathering, I never told them but I love it. It goes something like this: “Father in heaven, make our children and family come to know you personally. Not by what they hear the pastors preach, but by their own personal convictions impacted in them by the Holy Spirit.” Yeah, I sound a big Amen anytime I hear such prayers.
"I never try to change anyone or try to make them feel bad for doing what they do. I just offer them my opinions along with the pros and cons associated with doing what they do, and thereafter hope to heaven they are sensible enough to choose wisely, Joe Dennis Imiewanlan."
Have you ever wondered why you hate someone or anyone at all? I mean have you wondered if it is ever in one’s best interest to hate. Okay, maybe I should rephrase that question. Why do you think people hate? Well, let me answer this and then you can draw up your own conclusions:
Humans feel the involuntary need to have some degree of control over certain situations, this has nothing to do with being domineering or being a control freak. We don’t just like the feeling of helplessness. When someone becomes irritating or just plain disgusting to us, we become upset and in that moment, it is as if we are not in control of this feeling, and we can’t help it. To give ourselves some degree of satisfaction or control, we fight back. Some people go straight up and say exactly how they feel, but most people get angry, and in retaliation, develop some form of hatred. This hatred is actually unknowingly to us, a subtle and secret need for the other person to feel bad. Yes I said so! Most of the time, we want the other person to notice our hatred for them and subsequently feel bad for it, otherwise, I don’t see why we would care to hate anyone if we really didn’t want them to know that we did in the first instance. That just defeats the purpose, doesn't it? Plus there is the possibility that this person might not care about what we feel, so why bother.
As a young man, I know that the only people I’m probably going to successfully pass on my ideals, opinions, convictions, and insinuations, without them feeling minutely skeptical or doubting to any degree, will be my own (future) kids; and this will only be binding until that stage when they begin to develop their own intuition, ideas or opinions about the world as they see it.
Like previously stated, everything read in this article is the truth of opinion as I see it with the level of information and knowledge available to me at this point in my life, LoL. Some will concur, others will refute, and that's just the point.
Have a nice weekend you all...
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Video (Mood for the week): Coming Home by Diddy Dirty Money
It's kind of old, probably about three or four years I think. Regardless, songs hardly ever get old for me. Here goes...
Monday, July 22, 2013
Marvin's Room
Standing a few feet away was the most beautiful person I ever laid eyes on. There was something different about this one, something indescribable – it felt almost like she didn’t know how attractive she was, how charming and bright her smile was – with a walk mimicking the sway of wild grass in the wind, she strode like she never owned a single worry in the world. Is that it? I thought. I definitely could wait no further to find out.
As I inched closer, I must have tried at least twice to discourage myself from making this move, maybe because my heart pumped really fast and loud full of nervous energy, I just could not stop my stomach grunting the whole way. What are you doing man? I stopped suddenly like someone who just remembered he had control of his legs. There’s no way I’m having a decent pick-up conversation with this woman, at least not in my present state.
Taking a full step back, I noticed the empty chair beside me. I wasn’t going anywhere soon and neither was she; the rain storm had for once served my purpose perfectly, all flights were being delayed. Now I was to enjoy the luxury of not knowing her, this way I could try to understand her before making any moves.
Angie had turned out to be exactly as I imagined the whole twenty minutes I spent sitting a few feet away from her at the airport lounge – we boarded the same flight and except for some inexplicable coincidental trick of nature, sat right next to each other on the plane. She didn’t seem pretentious, neither was she overly conceited. Heck, she acted so unaware of her aesthetic physical appearance, making her all the more appealing to me; I definitely had my fill of women who took themselves too seriously. If Angie and I were to spend a night together, and the very next morning it took her forever getting dressed, I wasn’t going to get pissed – I would simply acknowledge her effort is what I would do, she deserved that.
....and after the usual corny conversations....
Angie only smiled and looked away, she didn’t utter a single word – I felt violated. My heart stung a bit because now I was not sure if what I said had been a mistake. To make matters worse, she got her ear phones from her carry-on bag and put them on. I am so stupid, I thought to myself. I really wished I could change seats that moment, but that was never going to happen – though I felt embarrassed, I still didn’t want to give up – I mean who knows, maybe if I moved from my sitting position, another guy would take advantage and make his own move; I definitely am not the only cat with an eye and nose for sexuality, besides, I could tell this lotus liked persistence, I knew her type all too well and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a soft landing after all this to soothe my bruised ego.
Having a drink with some friends at a bar was the best way to ease the stress after a day’s work. I checked my phone, saw a few missed calls and one text message – it was from Angie, she must have sent me a text because I wasn’t picking up my calls. Why on earth was she calling me today? I thought. It had been two weeks since the flight incident and though we exchanged numbers on arrival, I wasn’t quite certain if she agreed to it for sake of courtesy or for genuine interest in me. Well truthfully, I did lean more towards the choice of courtesy and really did not expect a second meet between us. We did have a conversation towards the end of the flight but that was just about every other random thing I could conjure up, now she wanted to see me and I wasn't gonna miss it.
I arrived a full fifteen minutes past 9:30 pm – and there she was looking better and hotter than I remember, sitting at a far left side, and almost hidden corner of the room. I did return a call during the ride down to the restaurant to acknowledge receipt of her text, as well as to voice my surprise at it. I was a mess when I arrived and she let me know right up – my breath smelled of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke, sleeves on my blue shirt folded up to elbows and half tucked into plain black trousers, with some drops of sweat on my face. She was quite casual herself– wearing a plain white t-shirt, light blue jean bum-shorts that revealed full thighs and the slender calves of her lower legs. Her hair was tied into a pony-tail leaving a face so beautiful and detailed I could see every single muscle on it twitch then turn into a charming seductive smile when I offered my complement.
The last time was awesome, all the lines we crossed them, the air felt right, and the room was alive around us. The mirror on the wall by the dresser reflected an extremely sexy silhouette of the woman whom just made love to me – she tasted so good I couldn’t stop smacking my lips, her moans and cries urged me on and I could tell exactly what tempo she preferred anytime I noticed a change in the intensity of her sounds – she loved to talk crazy, I urged her on to talk crazy. Our bodies were in rhythm and she loved it as much, even better than I did. She couldn’t wait to get there, I told her she didn’t have to rush it and that I was truly deeply sorry for the wait – I valued every second of her like added time in a game of football (soccer), and I chose to stay current like waters in a lake while still moving all around like waters in a cycle. She had taken my reason to every high standing elevation present in the room, and every other place except personal; this was not the time to disagree or pick a quarrel. Angie chose to stay versatile in any kind of position by displaying her feline tendencies.
We had made way to my place after the restaurant; it was not rocket science trying to figure out what would happen next. She sent a text to see me, I came and the rest was to play out exactly how she wanted it to. This was unlike any other bout of orgasmic delusions though, I mean the intensity was heightened to uncontrollable heights, and it definitely had something to do with the emotions, sexuality and erotic fantasies she evoked.
Perhaps some part of our rhythmic ecstasy made it emotional, every regret and action during our flight the day we first laid eyes had been put into perspective and was worth the awkwardness of it all. I called her babe, she called me beau – reaffirming to let me know it’s all mine, and I said fine – that was all I ever wanted in the first place, not just the physicality of her entire being but also the emotional attachment that comes with it. I liked her at first sight, and now, I was totally in love after the first night.
As I inched closer, I must have tried at least twice to discourage myself from making this move, maybe because my heart pumped really fast and loud full of nervous energy, I just could not stop my stomach grunting the whole way. What are you doing man? I stopped suddenly like someone who just remembered he had control of his legs. There’s no way I’m having a decent pick-up conversation with this woman, at least not in my present state.
Taking a full step back, I noticed the empty chair beside me. I wasn’t going anywhere soon and neither was she; the rain storm had for once served my purpose perfectly, all flights were being delayed. Now I was to enjoy the luxury of not knowing her, this way I could try to understand her before making any moves.
Angie had turned out to be exactly as I imagined the whole twenty minutes I spent sitting a few feet away from her at the airport lounge – we boarded the same flight and except for some inexplicable coincidental trick of nature, sat right next to each other on the plane. She didn’t seem pretentious, neither was she overly conceited. Heck, she acted so unaware of her aesthetic physical appearance, making her all the more appealing to me; I definitely had my fill of women who took themselves too seriously. If Angie and I were to spend a night together, and the very next morning it took her forever getting dressed, I wasn’t going to get pissed – I would simply acknowledge her effort is what I would do, she deserved that.
....and after the usual corny conversations....
Angie only smiled and looked away, she didn’t utter a single word – I felt violated. My heart stung a bit because now I was not sure if what I said had been a mistake. To make matters worse, she got her ear phones from her carry-on bag and put them on. I am so stupid, I thought to myself. I really wished I could change seats that moment, but that was never going to happen – though I felt embarrassed, I still didn’t want to give up – I mean who knows, maybe if I moved from my sitting position, another guy would take advantage and make his own move; I definitely am not the only cat with an eye and nose for sexuality, besides, I could tell this lotus liked persistence, I knew her type all too well and I’ll be damned if I didn’t get a soft landing after all this to soothe my bruised ego.
I arrived a full fifteen minutes past 9:30 pm – and there she was looking better and hotter than I remember, sitting at a far left side, and almost hidden corner of the room. I did return a call during the ride down to the restaurant to acknowledge receipt of her text, as well as to voice my surprise at it. I was a mess when I arrived and she let me know right up – my breath smelled of alcohol mixed with cigarette smoke, sleeves on my blue shirt folded up to elbows and half tucked into plain black trousers, with some drops of sweat on my face. She was quite casual herself– wearing a plain white t-shirt, light blue jean bum-shorts that revealed full thighs and the slender calves of her lower legs. Her hair was tied into a pony-tail leaving a face so beautiful and detailed I could see every single muscle on it twitch then turn into a charming seductive smile when I offered my complement.
We had made way to my place after the restaurant; it was not rocket science trying to figure out what would happen next. She sent a text to see me, I came and the rest was to play out exactly how she wanted it to. This was unlike any other bout of orgasmic delusions though, I mean the intensity was heightened to uncontrollable heights, and it definitely had something to do with the emotions, sexuality and erotic fantasies she evoked.
Perhaps some part of our rhythmic ecstasy made it emotional, every regret and action during our flight the day we first laid eyes had been put into perspective and was worth the awkwardness of it all. I called her babe, she called me beau – reaffirming to let me know it’s all mine, and I said fine – that was all I ever wanted in the first place, not just the physicality of her entire being but also the emotional attachment that comes with it. I liked her at first sight, and now, I was totally in love after the first night.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
The Context in Validation
It seems there is always a hidden intention within us – something to gain when giving ourselves totally and emotionally to others. Most people expect to be loved back in exactly the same amount they themselves offered their love. It is no news that most of the problems in any relationship begin when one party feels cheated – cheated in the sense that their commitment and/or emotions are not being reciprocated in equal quantity and magnitude. It is this need to get back exactly what we give in equal amount that elicits the whole lot of unresolved feelings of dissatisfaction.
Every once in a while humans hunger for the need for validation; among peers, family and every other community we find ourselves – it is also fact that majority of people love to play victim by reflecting the victim psyche outwardly instead of inwardly. It is imperative at this point, that in developing confidence, we may gain the ability to give ourselves fully without reason for reciprocation.
Speaking on confidence – it is often and very easily mistaken for arrogance or in some cases conceit. However, is it a trait capable of making most people completely sure about themselves and absolutely averse to validation?
While validation can be a good source of motivation in a work setting or among people who share the same values, the characteristic trait of boldness can come in handy. Now most people feel these two terms mean the same thing in context, but confidence is really quite different from boldness in a literal sense; whilst boldness resonates outwards, confidence resonates inwards, and neither one is derivative of the other – meaning a person could have a show of confidence and not really be bold, or one can appear bold and not really feel confident inside; it is all very relative.
Truthfully speaking, few people are born bold. A lot of people have learned to practice, develop and cultivate it because there comes a time when there is need for it. Confidence on the other hand is usually a belief system in us regarding our ability and that of those around us; sometimes it is grossly inflated, and at other times can be sold short.
Boldness is the drive that gets people doing things they never imagined, starting that relationship they never thought possible, and going farther than initially planned. Confidence is what keeps it all on track.
The problems created by an audacious and bold move can usually be disguised, even remedied, by some amount of confidence. But whatever the case, the question remains; Where does validation stand? Is it a necessity in gaining confidence or a necessary prerequisite in displaying boldness.
Speaking on confidence – it is often and very easily mistaken for arrogance or in some cases conceit. However, is it a trait capable of making most people completely sure about themselves and absolutely averse to validation?
While validation can be a good source of motivation in a work setting or among people who share the same values, the characteristic trait of boldness can come in handy. Now most people feel these two terms mean the same thing in context, but confidence is really quite different from boldness in a literal sense; whilst boldness resonates outwards, confidence resonates inwards, and neither one is derivative of the other – meaning a person could have a show of confidence and not really be bold, or one can appear bold and not really feel confident inside; it is all very relative.
Boldness is the drive that gets people doing things they never imagined, starting that relationship they never thought possible, and going farther than initially planned. Confidence is what keeps it all on track.
The problems created by an audacious and bold move can usually be disguised, even remedied, by some amount of confidence. But whatever the case, the question remains; Where does validation stand? Is it a necessity in gaining confidence or a necessary prerequisite in displaying boldness.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Video Clip: Perfomance of 'Pusher Love Girl' by Justin Timberlake & The Tennessee Kids' Band on Ellen
I really would love to see a video for this sensual track by Justin Timberlake released pretty soon. But while I wait along with those who share in my enthusiasm, I decided going on YouTube to see if I could get something worth watching pertaining to the song 'Pusher Love Girl', and I found this: It was performed on an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show. A beautiful and really captivating song for the romantic at heart, I know I am. Here goes...
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Did Someone Say?
The world today is plagued by greater and greater divisions–within continents, countries, political factions, families, even individuals. It seems that everywhere we turn, there is a state or form of total distraction and confusion; hardly are we able to keep our minds in one direction before getting pulled in a thousand other different and conflicting directions. With an ever expanding rate of modernization and contemporary-infused lifestyle, a lot will impact on us whether we like it or not, and no matter how much some people try to avoid entanglement in a web of societal clichés, it hardly ever becomes as expected. We get drawn into the crazy of others whether by our own doings or theirs; this can be interesting but at other times can be really sickening. Here's what I mean:
When I decide to leave the house preferably to hang out at the closest bar to chill and effectively get a lot of booze into my system – I really don’t want to have to listen to a stranger’s story or get embroiled in a fight between two obviously drunk fellows; all I want to do is get high and possibly pick up a nice lady. Did someone say, just walk away?
When I’m home and in a mood to watch a movie – I really don’t want to have to keep explaining the plot to that person sitting next to me who seems completely unaware about how distracting his/her questions are; all I want to do is watch my movie in peace and complete silence. Did someone say, just go to the cinema?
I choose to go swimming at a public pool since God hasn’t saw fit to bless me with one of my own – I really don’t want to have to see the couple at one end of the pool lost in a steamy romance session right inside the very same pool am in; all I want to do is go about my swimming and not having to fear the water being infested with bodily fluids– why don’t they just get a room or better still get out the freaking pool. Did someone say, just mind your business?
When I decide to take a public vehicle (probably a bus) to a certain destination – I really don’t want to have to take a whiff of that extremely strong perfume an absent minded passenger threw too much of on ‘herself’; all I want to do is get to my destination without suffocating on cologne best used as insecticide. Did someone say, just hire a cab instead?
When I am asked by a female friend on how she looks in a new dress – I really don’t want to have to go thorough the emotions of trying to apologize because I said the truth; all I want is to never be asked or better still, never be crucified for giving my thumbs-down. Did someone say, just lie to her and avoid all that?
When the boss gives a deadline on an assignment – I really don’t want to have to keep getting reminded on an hourly basis about what I got to do; all I want to do is focus on the assignment without getting distracted by e-mails and messengers. Did someone say, just get used to it?
So I go to church on a Sunday with the sole intention of reconnecting with my spirituality – I really don’t want to have to spend five hours listening to lengthy announcements and distracting activities; all I want to do is worship in praises, listen to the choir and go through the sermon without sleeping through it as a result of boredom, all of which should take at most three hours. Did someone say, just attend a catholic church instead?
When nature decides to get me to fall in love – I really don’t want to have to explain or write a verse about why I’m in love; all I want to do is be in love without feeling the obligation to get all gooey and emotional just to prove it. Did someone say, just don’t fall in love?
Staying out of the crazy around us is all but impossible; it is just part of the system and we are better off understanding this fact, right? Yeah, I thought so too.
Happy weekend to you all......
When I decide to leave the house preferably to hang out at the closest bar to chill and effectively get a lot of booze into my system – I really don’t want to have to listen to a stranger’s story or get embroiled in a fight between two obviously drunk fellows; all I want to do is get high and possibly pick up a nice lady. Did someone say, just walk away?
When I’m home and in a mood to watch a movie – I really don’t want to have to keep explaining the plot to that person sitting next to me who seems completely unaware about how distracting his/her questions are; all I want to do is watch my movie in peace and complete silence. Did someone say, just go to the cinema?
I choose to go swimming at a public pool since God hasn’t saw fit to bless me with one of my own – I really don’t want to have to see the couple at one end of the pool lost in a steamy romance session right inside the very same pool am in; all I want to do is go about my swimming and not having to fear the water being infested with bodily fluids– why don’t they just get a room or better still get out the freaking pool. Did someone say, just mind your business?
When I decide to take a public vehicle (probably a bus) to a certain destination – I really don’t want to have to take a whiff of that extremely strong perfume an absent minded passenger threw too much of on ‘herself’; all I want to do is get to my destination without suffocating on cologne best used as insecticide. Did someone say, just hire a cab instead?
When I am asked by a female friend on how she looks in a new dress – I really don’t want to have to go thorough the emotions of trying to apologize because I said the truth; all I want is to never be asked or better still, never be crucified for giving my thumbs-down. Did someone say, just lie to her and avoid all that?
When the boss gives a deadline on an assignment – I really don’t want to have to keep getting reminded on an hourly basis about what I got to do; all I want to do is focus on the assignment without getting distracted by e-mails and messengers. Did someone say, just get used to it?
So I go to church on a Sunday with the sole intention of reconnecting with my spirituality – I really don’t want to have to spend five hours listening to lengthy announcements and distracting activities; all I want to do is worship in praises, listen to the choir and go through the sermon without sleeping through it as a result of boredom, all of which should take at most three hours. Did someone say, just attend a catholic church instead?
When nature decides to get me to fall in love – I really don’t want to have to explain or write a verse about why I’m in love; all I want to do is be in love without feeling the obligation to get all gooey and emotional just to prove it. Did someone say, just don’t fall in love?
Staying out of the crazy around us is all but impossible; it is just part of the system and we are better off understanding this fact, right? Yeah, I thought so too.
Happy weekend to you all......
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
One Moment In Time
Perfection without fault or weakness is a perception by which all men are vexed. Biologically, no man deliberately attempts foolishness in the company of others; he would rather succumb to the ideologies of his better kind than suffer the dreaded fate of animosity to their ideals. Such situation is grossly exacerbated when he offers up a much more reasonable ideal than those understood by those who deem themselves more knowledgeable.
Sometimes playing down genius and occasionally displaying defects in ability earns more sympathetic-driven and genuine response than otherwise: It is now then safe to conclude beyond reasonable doubt that the human animal has a hard time dealing with feelings of inferiority.
Worthy of note is the fact that the feeling of inferiority is one that comes involuntarily, never at will - hence, none may be consciously aware of it, let alone admit it within himself.
Environments are generally more conducive to such feelings than others; its effect more serious among colleagues and peers, wherein there is some required veneer of equality.
It is in environment such as these that success and achievement stay prone to measurement by certain standards - and though the inferiority effect stays dialed down, it is however present but never a problem until it is a problem.
Is it now wise to wait for such a time when it becomes a problem? The time needed in completely eliminating it is still a time better spent avoiding it in the first instance; for in that moment will emotions keep from degenerating into absurd slander and hate.
And if this is too difficult for sake of ego, then by all means stay perfect, obvious and without fault; but remember the only moment in time this alternative serves to inspire resides only in death.
Tuesday, July 09, 2013
Monday, July 08, 2013
The Science of Respect and Reputation
Respect! Is there any alive who does not secretly want it? Is there any who does not feel the need to be sought after by those seeking solace and remit in an otherwise sickening world?
We all have felt the need however minute to be respected and recognized by our family, by our peers, by our co-workers, by our parents and by our children if any had; it is on account of this notion that we cement a place for ourselves in our world. A man not respected by any is a man alone. How is it then that we come to gain respect, do we force it on the majority or do we let our actions, beliefs and propaganda speak for us.
The central and most powerful source for respect comes from reputation; it is the cornerstone of power and without it, there is really nothing to look up to in anyone. But keeping and holding a reputation intact throughout a person’s life might just be a little bit more difficult than imagined. The reason for this is because, letting people down is a natural part of human existence – it happens without much work going into it, and once it does, that person becomes vulnerable. Once a hole is opened up in someone’s reputation, public opinion does the rest, and when it involves family, peers or co-workers; respect for such a person is greatly reduced.
One quick example as to what reputation does for whoever hones it involves the lion - always and forever known as the king of the wild not because of its size. It is neither the biggest, strongest nor fastest of wild animals, but still it is the most feared. A hungry lion will eat, and when it does decide to this, it cares very little for how big or how fast its prey might be; it just knows it has to eat. This is what makes it the fiercest of them.
The people around us, even our closest friends and family, will to some extent remain mysterious and unfathomable. Their characters have secret recesses that they never reveal. Trying to understand people is quite disturbing if thought about long enough, and this makes it really impossible to judge them. So we just prefer to ignore this fact by just calling people like we see them, and judging by appearances what is most visible to the eyes – clothes, words, actions, gestures. One false slip or awkward change in appearance can prove disastrous, this is the reason for the supreme importance of making and maintaining a reputation that is of our own creation.
Like Tyrion Lannister(the dwarf) says in the HBO series, Game of Thrones, “Never forget who you are. Accept it, embrace it and make it yours. Wear it loud and proud like armor, and it can never be used against you. Remember never to forget it, because the world sure as hell won’t”.
Having a reputation, whether good or bad really, protects a person in the dangerous game of appearances – a game virtually played by everyone who has a brain to go with a head. I have seen many a time where people say stuff like, ‘I am always myself, and I never act what I’m not’. Yes, that’s true to an extent but when we consider a fact that no human is really perfect, how does that then translate into always being you. Since we all have an element of imperfection in us, do we let this imperfection show just because we want to be ourselves?
For, as Cisero says, even those who argue against fame still want the books they write against it to bear their name in the title and hope to become famous for despising it. Everything is subject to barter: we will let our friends have our goods and our lives if need be; but a case of sharing our fame and making someone else the gift of our reputation is hardly to be found. MONTAIGNE, 1533–1592
Being in charge and total awareness of ones’ own reputation inadvertently invokes some form of respect for the holder. Hold on to it, make it really simple and base it on one sterling quality. This single quality – say efficiency, honesty, generosity, selflessness – becomes a kind of calling card for you. Since we must live in society and must depend on the opinions of others to a certain extent, we gain much by holding a reputation and in turn earn the respect we so desire. If you are the kind that does not care what others think of you, you might just gain a reputation for being insolent and arrogant - which in itself can be both good and bad.
We all have felt the need however minute to be respected and recognized by our family, by our peers, by our co-workers, by our parents and by our children if any had; it is on account of this notion that we cement a place for ourselves in our world. A man not respected by any is a man alone. How is it then that we come to gain respect, do we force it on the majority or do we let our actions, beliefs and propaganda speak for us.
The central and most powerful source for respect comes from reputation; it is the cornerstone of power and without it, there is really nothing to look up to in anyone. But keeping and holding a reputation intact throughout a person’s life might just be a little bit more difficult than imagined. The reason for this is because, letting people down is a natural part of human existence – it happens without much work going into it, and once it does, that person becomes vulnerable. Once a hole is opened up in someone’s reputation, public opinion does the rest, and when it involves family, peers or co-workers; respect for such a person is greatly reduced.
One quick example as to what reputation does for whoever hones it involves the lion - always and forever known as the king of the wild not because of its size. It is neither the biggest, strongest nor fastest of wild animals, but still it is the most feared. A hungry lion will eat, and when it does decide to this, it cares very little for how big or how fast its prey might be; it just knows it has to eat. This is what makes it the fiercest of them.
The people around us, even our closest friends and family, will to some extent remain mysterious and unfathomable. Their characters have secret recesses that they never reveal. Trying to understand people is quite disturbing if thought about long enough, and this makes it really impossible to judge them. So we just prefer to ignore this fact by just calling people like we see them, and judging by appearances what is most visible to the eyes – clothes, words, actions, gestures. One false slip or awkward change in appearance can prove disastrous, this is the reason for the supreme importance of making and maintaining a reputation that is of our own creation.
Like Tyrion Lannister(the dwarf) says in the HBO series, Game of Thrones, “Never forget who you are. Accept it, embrace it and make it yours. Wear it loud and proud like armor, and it can never be used against you. Remember never to forget it, because the world sure as hell won’t”.
For, as Cisero says, even those who argue against fame still want the books they write against it to bear their name in the title and hope to become famous for despising it. Everything is subject to barter: we will let our friends have our goods and our lives if need be; but a case of sharing our fame and making someone else the gift of our reputation is hardly to be found. MONTAIGNE, 1533–1592
Being in charge and total awareness of ones’ own reputation inadvertently invokes some form of respect for the holder. Hold on to it, make it really simple and base it on one sterling quality. This single quality – say efficiency, honesty, generosity, selflessness – becomes a kind of calling card for you. Since we must live in society and must depend on the opinions of others to a certain extent, we gain much by holding a reputation and in turn earn the respect we so desire. If you are the kind that does not care what others think of you, you might just gain a reputation for being insolent and arrogant - which in itself can be both good and bad.
Saturday, July 06, 2013
Young Forever - Past, Present, Future
That comparison may just still be valid today in the sense that not all humans have come to develop an ability to pre-empt and premeditate future occurrences, I know many will dispute that line. However, taking into account that not every ambition or dream is actually foresight, we can agree to disagree. Dreams and ambitions rarely ever fit comfortably into the realistic realm of how things are supposed to be, this is because they are mostly made up of our inane human wishes and desires; most of which are totally selfish. How many people ever had a dream or an ambition that didn’t revolve solely around them?
The ability to premeditate, plan, foresee and pre-empt what might be, lies not in how big our dreams and goals are, but in the power of being able to overcome our natural human tendency to react to things as they happen; taking one step back and imagining the larger picture taking shape beyond our immediate vision is the very foundation of foresight. Every person wants a happy ending to their life-story, the problem however is we may never recognize it is indeed a happy ending until we are in fact present at that ending; it is only in that time and space when our lives flash before our eyes, will we know if we are at the happy ending we initially desired.
The ending they say is everything; it is the end of the action that determines who gets what (money, legacy, prize, glory). The conclusion is crystal clear and never vague - it is the outcome that overcomes the beginning and every other circumstance lying in between - it must be kept in mind constantly with utmost clarity.
Think for a second what you want your ending to look, feel or be like. At that point when you lay on a bed or sit on a rocking chair, feeling so fragile, weak and relaxed in old age - what will be those things that will bring both laughter and tears to your eyes at the exact same time. These are the stuff dreams are made of.
Staying young forever has absolutely nothing to do with age, but everything to do with heart and mind.
Thursday, July 04, 2013
One Long Night
It is 02:47am, I should be asleep but I'm not, instead, i lay motionless on my queen size bed staring up into the ceiling, faintly hearing the hush sound of music streaming from my eight-year old Sony Deck Disc Player just across the room. "I guess i should turn it off," I think to myself. "No, maybe not." I decide to turn the volume all the way down just enough to avoid an echo through the walls into the next room.
I can hear Steve blowing snore trumpets that interrupt my thought pattern intermittently. I wonder how his girlfriend could sleep cozily next to him all night long without smothering him with a pillow, maybe relationships do work after all. In spite of all these distractions, my mind still finds time to wander in thoughts - thoughts about my sanity. "Why am i getting depressed more often, why do i feel empty inside, why does every other thing seem not to make sense?" I usually am a lot more exciting and fun - I do marijuana, party with alcohol, never stay single too long, and combine all these with a study/work schedule that keeps me on track.
"Is it the marijuana?" I ask myself. "Is this the reason i feel depressed? Have I had too much of it enough to mess with my senses?" I keep thinking. But I'm not addicted to the stuff. Gordon my next door neighbor still seems really smart and quick-witted despite the fact that he can’t go a single day without smoking at least three rolls of the 'green weed' - one when he wakes up in the morning, one when he returns home anytime of the day and one at night just before going to bed - he is so typical. "How can that possibly be the reason," I do recall getting paranoid sometimes just after I smoke a joint but who doesn't anyway, and in my opinion there are only a few side effects associated with marijuana such as hunger, sleep, excessive laughter, unnecessary happiness, headache, drowsy eyes and paranoid thoughts, depending on how the users' system functions. A smile cuts across my face bringing with it a memory of me explaining all that to an old professor of mine.
My thoughts suddenly reverse time-jump to my early teenage years, a time in my life I consider myself free from all vices, evils and negative habits. Yes, I was the dictionary definition of naivety in the flesh. I remember once loosing out on having hot passionate sex with a lady friend back then because I was scared, not that I knew exactly what to do past the kissing and minimal hand-to-boob contact anyway - what a novice I was.
I was innocent, a trait which for some reason girls my age found attractive, I still don’t understand why. Now add innocence to my adolescent charm and striking good looks back then, I was a hot spot for young girls my age, even among some older ones. During my time in junior secondary school - the equivalent for middle-school in some countries, I met my present girlfriend. She was a classmate, quite pretty and from western Nigeria. Folake had a huge crush on me for a while before I started noticing her stares, this in turn made me crush on her as well. She was wild to the bone, although she usually came off as shy and quiet to people she wasn't friends with.
One day, strolling down the hallway, She pulled me aside and asked me to spare her some time. According to her she needed help with some class note arrangements - she was head prefect. She said it had something to do with matching the notes to practical workbooks for each student, I really wasn’t listening; I was more interested in staring her up and down. She must have said something about waiting on me in the staff room, because all I could manage out my mouth was, "I’ll meet you there."
My close friends did not relent in trying to find out exactly what Folake and I talked about, more importantly, they wanted to know why she would ask me for assistance. I was the type who sat closer to the back end of the class than the front end; I had excellent grades but I and my group of friends were not listed among the overly enthusiastic students who acted overly studious for teachers to take notice. We didn’t care much for that as long as we got the notes and read it all.
I took a leave from my friends and proceeded to the staff room where i met Folake already sorting through, she must have assumed I was not coming because she looked quite surprised to see me. Why isn't the class assistant helping you do this, that's his job description, right? I quipped. Oh don't be silly, I wanted to spend some alone time with you but you’re always with those clown friends of yours, she replied. I was caught unaware, and kept totally mum because I had nothing to say.
Let’s get started, she said, breaking the silence that enveloped our presence. I moved closer, looked around the staff room to see just two teachers at their tables intently focused on whatever it was they were grading - I was convinced they didn’t hear the conversation between myself and Folake, nor did they care to. We finished sorting amidst a silence that lasted the entire time probably because I was too careful about saying the wrong thing - she must have not had much to say herself.
I’m going to get my bags, may I get yours for you? She asked. Yes please, I answered with a smile as she headed out. I followed closely behind so we could meet at the top of the stair-well leading down the four floored building block. How about we go to my place, I live really close to school and would like to have you over for some cold drinks as appreciation. I definitely was not planning to refuse such an offer. Sure why not, I replied.
It was fun hanging out at her place - we chatted and laughed while sipping cold beverages with biscuits - she had a nice looking home, almost like not a lot of people lived in it. It was really very tidy, quite unlike mine where my two brothers, myself and our little sister lived - ours was nowhere near as tidy as hers. She lived alone with her dad, her mom lived mostly in the US but often came for visits - there really was no one to mess up the house. By the end of our 'date', i had fallen deep in love with Folake, I even lost track of time and had to hurry my way back home just to avoid the questionnaire that was bound to follow.
Is this the time you now close from school? Why are you just returning? Only one person could be daring to ask me such questions, mom would still be at work and dad worked out of town. It was Agatha,my aunt. She had this urge to always boss me around like she was trying hard to assert her authority over me, but I never let her gain ground - I always talked back at her any time she tried pulling rank. On this particular day though, I was too much in a good mood to be stubborn, so I just walked past her hissing loudly enough for her to hear it. I kept thinking about Folake and all that went down at our 'date', trying to relive every moment of it in my head.
The sound of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek echoing on the ringtone of Annie’s cell phone jolts me from lost thoughts on ambivalent past memories. "Why should i be depressed?" I ask myself. My life is not so bad after all, and even if it were, I am so grateful I still have Folake in it - she makes every other thing right. I guess maybe i just let things get to me too easily, maybe I should appreciate what I have more than just worrying about what I don't, regardless of my bi-polarity.
"So you played music all through the night again?" I hear Annie’s voice sipping through the opening on the door to my bed room, her cell phone ringing must have awoken her fully - Annie is in a relationship with my flat mate, Steve. If only Folake had spent the night like we agreed, maybe I won't be loosing sleep and over thinking my depression all through the night - She's on call at the hospital anyway, I say to myself.
It has to be morning already for Annie to be fully awake, enough for her to come spying in on me and my business - she does that quite a lot - I reach out for my cell phone sitting on a stool right beside my bed. I was right, my insomnia just hit an all time high, it is now 05:15am and I didn't get any sleep.
I can hear Steve blowing snore trumpets that interrupt my thought pattern intermittently. I wonder how his girlfriend could sleep cozily next to him all night long without smothering him with a pillow, maybe relationships do work after all. In spite of all these distractions, my mind still finds time to wander in thoughts - thoughts about my sanity. "Why am i getting depressed more often, why do i feel empty inside, why does every other thing seem not to make sense?" I usually am a lot more exciting and fun - I do marijuana, party with alcohol, never stay single too long, and combine all these with a study/work schedule that keeps me on track.
"Is it the marijuana?" I ask myself. "Is this the reason i feel depressed? Have I had too much of it enough to mess with my senses?" I keep thinking. But I'm not addicted to the stuff. Gordon my next door neighbor still seems really smart and quick-witted despite the fact that he can’t go a single day without smoking at least three rolls of the 'green weed' - one when he wakes up in the morning, one when he returns home anytime of the day and one at night just before going to bed - he is so typical. "How can that possibly be the reason," I do recall getting paranoid sometimes just after I smoke a joint but who doesn't anyway, and in my opinion there are only a few side effects associated with marijuana such as hunger, sleep, excessive laughter, unnecessary happiness, headache, drowsy eyes and paranoid thoughts, depending on how the users' system functions. A smile cuts across my face bringing with it a memory of me explaining all that to an old professor of mine.
My thoughts suddenly reverse time-jump to my early teenage years, a time in my life I consider myself free from all vices, evils and negative habits. Yes, I was the dictionary definition of naivety in the flesh. I remember once loosing out on having hot passionate sex with a lady friend back then because I was scared, not that I knew exactly what to do past the kissing and minimal hand-to-boob contact anyway - what a novice I was.
I was innocent, a trait which for some reason girls my age found attractive, I still don’t understand why. Now add innocence to my adolescent charm and striking good looks back then, I was a hot spot for young girls my age, even among some older ones. During my time in junior secondary school - the equivalent for middle-school in some countries, I met my present girlfriend. She was a classmate, quite pretty and from western Nigeria. Folake had a huge crush on me for a while before I started noticing her stares, this in turn made me crush on her as well. She was wild to the bone, although she usually came off as shy and quiet to people she wasn't friends with.
One day, strolling down the hallway, She pulled me aside and asked me to spare her some time. According to her she needed help with some class note arrangements - she was head prefect. She said it had something to do with matching the notes to practical workbooks for each student, I really wasn’t listening; I was more interested in staring her up and down. She must have said something about waiting on me in the staff room, because all I could manage out my mouth was, "I’ll meet you there."
My close friends did not relent in trying to find out exactly what Folake and I talked about, more importantly, they wanted to know why she would ask me for assistance. I was the type who sat closer to the back end of the class than the front end; I had excellent grades but I and my group of friends were not listed among the overly enthusiastic students who acted overly studious for teachers to take notice. We didn’t care much for that as long as we got the notes and read it all.
I took a leave from my friends and proceeded to the staff room where i met Folake already sorting through, she must have assumed I was not coming because she looked quite surprised to see me. Why isn't the class assistant helping you do this, that's his job description, right? I quipped. Oh don't be silly, I wanted to spend some alone time with you but you’re always with those clown friends of yours, she replied. I was caught unaware, and kept totally mum because I had nothing to say.
Let’s get started, she said, breaking the silence that enveloped our presence. I moved closer, looked around the staff room to see just two teachers at their tables intently focused on whatever it was they were grading - I was convinced they didn’t hear the conversation between myself and Folake, nor did they care to. We finished sorting amidst a silence that lasted the entire time probably because I was too careful about saying the wrong thing - she must have not had much to say herself.
I’m going to get my bags, may I get yours for you? She asked. Yes please, I answered with a smile as she headed out. I followed closely behind so we could meet at the top of the stair-well leading down the four floored building block. How about we go to my place, I live really close to school and would like to have you over for some cold drinks as appreciation. I definitely was not planning to refuse such an offer. Sure why not, I replied.
It was fun hanging out at her place - we chatted and laughed while sipping cold beverages with biscuits - she had a nice looking home, almost like not a lot of people lived in it. It was really very tidy, quite unlike mine where my two brothers, myself and our little sister lived - ours was nowhere near as tidy as hers. She lived alone with her dad, her mom lived mostly in the US but often came for visits - there really was no one to mess up the house. By the end of our 'date', i had fallen deep in love with Folake, I even lost track of time and had to hurry my way back home just to avoid the questionnaire that was bound to follow.
Is this the time you now close from school? Why are you just returning? Only one person could be daring to ask me such questions, mom would still be at work and dad worked out of town. It was Agatha,my aunt. She had this urge to always boss me around like she was trying hard to assert her authority over me, but I never let her gain ground - I always talked back at her any time she tried pulling rank. On this particular day though, I was too much in a good mood to be stubborn, so I just walked past her hissing loudly enough for her to hear it. I kept thinking about Folake and all that went down at our 'date', trying to relive every moment of it in my head.
The sound of Imogen Heap’s Hide and Seek echoing on the ringtone of Annie’s cell phone jolts me from lost thoughts on ambivalent past memories. "Why should i be depressed?" I ask myself. My life is not so bad after all, and even if it were, I am so grateful I still have Folake in it - she makes every other thing right. I guess maybe i just let things get to me too easily, maybe I should appreciate what I have more than just worrying about what I don't, regardless of my bi-polarity.
"So you played music all through the night again?" I hear Annie’s voice sipping through the opening on the door to my bed room, her cell phone ringing must have awoken her fully - Annie is in a relationship with my flat mate, Steve. If only Folake had spent the night like we agreed, maybe I won't be loosing sleep and over thinking my depression all through the night - She's on call at the hospital anyway, I say to myself.
It has to be morning already for Annie to be fully awake, enough for her to come spying in on me and my business - she does that quite a lot - I reach out for my cell phone sitting on a stool right beside my bed. I was right, my insomnia just hit an all time high, it is now 05:15am and I didn't get any sleep.
Nigeria: Senate divided on Passage Of 'State of the Nation Address Bill 2013'
I cannot say i'm very much surprised at the way our senators choose to deliberate on the passage of bills into law. The State of the Nation Address Bill, among others, will empower the lawmakers to compel the President to appear before the National Assembly to deliver the address once a year, and quite typical of the them, trouble started when discussions on the President’s letter degenerated into a heated debate with tempers rising.
Read more of this story at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/07/state-of-the-nation-address-bill-senators-fight-over-jonathans-letter/
Read more of this story at: http://www.vanguardngr.com/2013/07/state-of-the-nation-address-bill-senators-fight-over-jonathans-letter/
Tuesday, July 02, 2013
The Fitting Phenomenon
Change they say is constant, but the need to constantly reinvent one’s self seems a long shot for a lot of people. The power of influence is to say the least quite intoxicating, only to those who are open to it of course. Not very many people are easily coerced into fitting with the norm of society; most use religion as an excuse, others seem to believe that after a certain age one should be wise enough to know that they don't need to act a certain way just to fit in - well, they are both right in their own regard.
I never try to understand the motive behind those who use religion as a basis for every other choice they make; I also never try to understand the sentiments of those who believe they do not need to flow with the ever-changing tide of society. That said, I do believe however that in order to stay connected in the real world, one has to be able to blend effortlessly and subtly into certain aspects of the larger eco-system.
The man who intends to make his fortune in this ancient capital of the world [Rome] must be a chameleon susceptible of reflecting the colours of the atmosphere that surrounds him - a Proteus apt to assume every form, every shape. He must be supple, flexible, insinuating, close, inscrutable, often base, sometimes sincere, sometimes perfidious, always concealing a part of his knowledge, indulging in but one tone of voice, patient, a perfect master of his own countenance, as cold as ice when any other man would be all fire; and if unfortunately he is not religious at heart - a very common occurrence for a soul possessing the above requisites - he must have religion in his mind, that is to say, on his face, on his lips, in his manners; he must suffer quietly if he be an honest man, the necessity of knowing himself an arrant hypocrite. The man whose soul would loathe such a life should leave Rome [Earth] and seek his fortune elsewhere. I do not know whether I am praising or excusing myself, but of all those qualities I possessed but one - namely, flexibility.
(MEMOIRS, GIOVANNI CASANOVA, 1725-1798)
It is a natural response by some to want to go against certain ideologies that seem unreasonable, ideologies that may have become an integral part of the system within which we reside. The implication of this however does not hit us all of a sudden, it tarries a while, providing us the opportunity to either compromise or settle - and many a time, the generally accepted and obvious option is compromise.
For the strong-willed, ethically driven and/or opinionated individual, not accepting roles foisted by society is always the only option. Choosing this option enables them to re-create themselves by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Being the master of ones image makes one stand-out and seem larger than life, the negative effect of this however is quite grave. Standing out will open doors to criticism, judgement and envy, unless this person is the kind who does not mind being at the centre of negative attention.
I looked in the mirror one morning to discover my hairline was in recession. I said to myself, "What on earth?" So maybe I shouldn't have acted too surprised, it was common occurrence in my dad's side of the family - my dad was however the only exception among his brothers, all of whom had some form of hair loss - I just assumed since he was lucky to miss it, I was to share in that luck or at worst, I would have my hair loss start at no age less than forty. I was so wrong.
I had to make a choice. Do I rock a skin cut look at an age when I should be experimenting hair styles like every other guy my age was doing and risk my shining bald look being an attention grabber? Or do I keep working styles to fit around my receding hairline, which will also get another form of attention from those who notice?
I chose the former, and yes I stood out, probably because bald is not 'fancy' or 'contemporary' by society standards - after a while, I guess I didn't take notice of the stares anymore.
That analogy is nothing compared to what we have to face in society regarding acceptance and perceived standards. Giving ourselves enough wiggle-room to make changes and amends to our inherent traits is really quite necessary. It is not about fitting in altogether but understanding that we must be fluid; learning to play many roles and be whatever the moment requires, adapting our masks to the tide of things. Being susceptible to change in society is not evil, it proves acceptance; and if one must be accepted, he must be accepting.
I never try to understand the motive behind those who use religion as a basis for every other choice they make; I also never try to understand the sentiments of those who believe they do not need to flow with the ever-changing tide of society. That said, I do believe however that in order to stay connected in the real world, one has to be able to blend effortlessly and subtly into certain aspects of the larger eco-system.
The man who intends to make his fortune in this ancient capital of the world [Rome] must be a chameleon susceptible of reflecting the colours of the atmosphere that surrounds him - a Proteus apt to assume every form, every shape. He must be supple, flexible, insinuating, close, inscrutable, often base, sometimes sincere, sometimes perfidious, always concealing a part of his knowledge, indulging in but one tone of voice, patient, a perfect master of his own countenance, as cold as ice when any other man would be all fire; and if unfortunately he is not religious at heart - a very common occurrence for a soul possessing the above requisites - he must have religion in his mind, that is to say, on his face, on his lips, in his manners; he must suffer quietly if he be an honest man, the necessity of knowing himself an arrant hypocrite. The man whose soul would loathe such a life should leave Rome [Earth] and seek his fortune elsewhere. I do not know whether I am praising or excusing myself, but of all those qualities I possessed but one - namely, flexibility.
(MEMOIRS, GIOVANNI CASANOVA, 1725-1798)
It is a natural response by some to want to go against certain ideologies that seem unreasonable, ideologies that may have become an integral part of the system within which we reside. The implication of this however does not hit us all of a sudden, it tarries a while, providing us the opportunity to either compromise or settle - and many a time, the generally accepted and obvious option is compromise.
For the strong-willed, ethically driven and/or opinionated individual, not accepting roles foisted by society is always the only option. Choosing this option enables them to re-create themselves by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Being the master of ones image makes one stand-out and seem larger than life, the negative effect of this however is quite grave. Standing out will open doors to criticism, judgement and envy, unless this person is the kind who does not mind being at the centre of negative attention.
I looked in the mirror one morning to discover my hairline was in recession. I said to myself, "What on earth?" So maybe I shouldn't have acted too surprised, it was common occurrence in my dad's side of the family - my dad was however the only exception among his brothers, all of whom had some form of hair loss - I just assumed since he was lucky to miss it, I was to share in that luck or at worst, I would have my hair loss start at no age less than forty. I was so wrong.
I had to make a choice. Do I rock a skin cut look at an age when I should be experimenting hair styles like every other guy my age was doing and risk my shining bald look being an attention grabber? Or do I keep working styles to fit around my receding hairline, which will also get another form of attention from those who notice?
I chose the former, and yes I stood out, probably because bald is not 'fancy' or 'contemporary' by society standards - after a while, I guess I didn't take notice of the stares anymore.
That analogy is nothing compared to what we have to face in society regarding acceptance and perceived standards. Giving ourselves enough wiggle-room to make changes and amends to our inherent traits is really quite necessary. It is not about fitting in altogether but understanding that we must be fluid; learning to play many roles and be whatever the moment requires, adapting our masks to the tide of things. Being susceptible to change in society is not evil, it proves acceptance; and if one must be accepted, he must be accepting.
Monday, July 01, 2013
Video: 'Ada Ada' by Flavour
The much anticipated video for the track 'Ada Ada' by Ibo dialect crooner Flavour N'abania is finally here. Most of us must have seen the behind-the-scenes footage posted via Youtube a month ago, yes? Well, the video does not disappoint and personally, it is a track I myself am addicted to. Infused with traditional Nigerian culture, it is really proudly Nigerian.
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